SEMGIRL

Hi, I was just your typical 19 year old Seminary girl in South Jersey (if you don't know where I mean, you are probably on the wrong blog). We all have nisoynos, challenges, and experiences, both positive and negative. Here is where I have decided to share some of them.

Name:
Location: Lakewood, New Jersey, United States

Monday, June 27, 2005

Ben's Request

Ben asked me to write a post discussing the article and answering the questions raised on his blog. Here are some of my thoughts on the matter.

I am amazed at the breadth of information in this article. This blog not even going to try to resolve halachic issues. Bear in mind, I’m a mere girl, remember. Therefore, this is strictly my emotions and feelings on the matter. I think it’s totally absurd. You need to exercise some common sense. If you repress girls to that degree they either go one way or the other. They either start to like like girls ( I witnessed a fair amount of lesb. behavior in Eretz Yisrael). Predominately by very innocent, naïve girls that weren’t even aware that, that’s what they were doing. On the other hand, like me, they start to like boys, (I mean really like boys!!).

This isn’t an attempt to justify it, but my emotional stability depends on enjoying relationships with boys. Firstly, I have lousy shidduchim, and very hot boyfriends, who unfortunately are clearly not good husband/father material.. Secondly, too many of my married friends have serious Shalom Bayis problems because they never quite learned how to relate to boys and married the first or second one they dated, usually at their parent’s behest.. It can take years to work the kinks out in such a relationship. Very often, this leads to one of several possible scenarios.

They either end up very inhibited in their marriage, causing much grief and frustration to their husband. This causes some of the men to unfortunately, go on to relieve that frustration with other inappropriate partners. On the other hand, many overly repressed girls end up committing very severe aveiros after marriage, R”L. We won’t discuss that here, though because B”H I have very little exposure to it. However, check MargaritaGirl , Streiml, and various Yahoo groups (which I am not necessarily endorsing).

Obviously, this is a rationalization, but I have tremendous emotional cravings for comforting conversations, hugs, caresses, etc. , and I have no desire to take all the antidepressant medications for the emotional and psychological issues described by ShomerNegia on her blog.

Nothing makes me happier or cheers me up more, especially after a traumatic experience in school or a very depressing shidduch breakup than going for a drive with a casual boyfriend to Seaside or the Point. We drink ice-cream sodas, talk, vent , and just hang out. After that, the world is an infinitely, nicer better place.

In fact, this past Shabbos, I was in Monsey. My friend, lets call her Chana Esther (obviously not her real name), told me about another secluded place she goes to off Carlton Rd, to French-kiss with her boyfriend. She is a very sweet, happy girl, who is nice to everyone. She is always ready to do a chesed and never speaks Loshon Hora. Contrast this, to many girls in my Seminary that are very tense and uptight. You know for sure they never, ever have anything to do with boys at all, because they all have that pinched look on their face. Some are downright mean; others have very vicious mouths.

Therefore, in synopsis, to answer Ben’s questions, here goes. 1) & 2) I would say that I think it definitely is a teenager parroting what she was taught at an indoctrination center (excuse me, Seminary). She may of crossed the line and decided to do tshuva and write this, but I’m not sure. 3) Obviously, who am I to comment on whether this is halachically correct. Ask your LOR. 5) It doesn’t seem like she has the capability to believe what she is writing. My impression is that she is just ‘programmed to respond in this matter’. If it is sincere. all the more blessing to her.

As for 6) , I would say that my schools were all very intense and overly focused on this matter at the expense of ‘bain odom l’chaveiro’ and ‘darchecha darchei noam’. And, in my home, lets just say that if my father could, he would make me wear a sweatshirt, on the street, stores, and anywhere that men are present, that says “Warning, I am a living breathing Porkchop, maintain a safe distance”. But, I still love him dearly despite that.

Finally, I don’t feel it is healthy or natural for men to live or work in estrogen-challenged environments. Let me give two examples. I was at a dinner for my brother’s yeshiva a few weeks ago. On the men’s side of the mechitza, there were plates of food debris piled up almost high enough so that you cant see across the table, soda bottles and cigarette butts strewn all over. Many of the men were wearing very expensive suits and ties, with their 200$ Borsalino hats, and eating with their hands. On the women’s side, everyone was eating the Waldorf salad and extravagant fruit platters so gracefully, Emily Post would be proud. Talk about a ‘Tale of Two Cities’

Over Yomtov, I ate one or two meals by my aunt. On one side of the table Shimmy was spitting into a soup bowl, and Fido (I mean Avrommy) practically had his face in the plate. Meanwhile, Leah and Brocha sit and eat with such poise and soie de vivre, you can hear the violins playing in the background. Clearly, the boys need the civilizing influence of girls in their life.

That’s my take. Looking forward to feedback, positive or negative.

54 Comments:

Blogger thekvetcher said...

the reason that chana esther dont speak loshon hora is because she's got a loshon stuck down her throat.
1,2,3, 4 then 5
yes yeshiva guy tend to be primal at separate seatong events. just dont look over the mechitzah. but what does it say about the girl who married him. obviously she doesnt care that he eats like a dog. ive seen it at my yeshiva dinner. its sickening. most of those guys live in lakewood. and they say chassidim dont know how to use a fork. good job semi.

6/27/2005 3:06 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

Excuse me!! Do not say "most of those guys live in Lakewood"!

Once again you are commenting on Lakewood people without knowing the true nature of todays Lakewood people!

You can refer to my blog www.jewishissues.blogspot.com for more on that!

Those guys come from across the wide spectrum of the Yeshiva world!

That being said, sadly it is true that guys who are raised without being allowed to befriend girls tend to be more barbaric in nature than regular guys.

Time to normalize the frum community!!

Peace! NJ from NJ

6/27/2005 3:19 PM  
Blogger EN said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6/27/2005 4:57 PM  
Blogger Hoezentragerin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6/27/2005 5:46 PM  
Blogger Hoezentragerin said...

Semgirl claims,
" You need to exercise some common sense."

Problem with this assertion though is, that what YOU call "common sense" that is nonsensical for others!



"If you repress girls to that degree they either go one way or the other. They either start to like like girls ( I witnessed a fair amount of lesb. behavior in Eretz Yisrael). Predominately by very innocent, naïve girls that weren’t even aware that, that’s what they were doing. On the other hand, like me, they start to like boys, (I mean really like boys!!)."

Hey girl, been there, done that,(was never too innocent and naive though) SO WHAT?
Trust me, I'm as straight as they come.
For most of the girls it's all just a matter of misplaced passion.
And if you know some frum Lesbian women, hey, last time I checked, the majority of lesbians never went to seminary.....

"Secondly, too many of my married friends have serious Shalom Bayis problems because they never quite learned how to relate to boys and married the first or second one they dated, usually at their parent’s behest.. It can take years to work the kinks out in such a relationship. Very often, this leads to one of several possible scenarios."

Oh and Semgirl,
Why don't you mention the pandemic in your society, the myriads of girls in their 30s-40s who are still single and still learning "how to relate to boys"?

"They either end up very inhibited in their marriage, causing much grief and frustration to their husband. This causes some of the men to unfortunately, go on to relieve that frustration with other inappropriate partners."

Honeybunch, you are sooooooooo naive.
Again, why don't you cite the statistics in the secular world? 50-70 percent of men admit (admit) to cheating.
Did they all also marry at the "behest of their parents?"
Semgirl, men will be men, and pigs will be pigs.
The number one factor that will keep your husband, God willing, from cheating on you, will be his Yireh Shamaim.



"On the other hand, many overly repressed girls end up committing very severe aveiros after marriage, R”L. We won’t discuss that here, though because B”H I have very little exposure to it. However, check MargaritaGirl , Streiml, and various Yahoo groups (which I am not necessarily endorsing)."

Ahaaa.
I hear you.
Pray, tell me, the girls in your league,
Once they get married,
they don't face these same nesyones too?
Are they then better equipped than their "innocent naive friends?"
Are you so convinced that 10 years down the road, YOU won't be rationalizing your behaviors once again?
Because I'm not.
Don't think girl that your struggles and challenges disappear once you're married.
They don't.

Again Semgirl,
I am not judging you, and neither am I suggesting you marry the first guy you meet at the behest of your parents.
But for the sake of intellectual honesty, say it as it is.
I'M A HUMAN BEING.
I HAVE EMOTIONS, DESIRES, AND NEEDS.
THOUGH MY ACTIONS ARE SOMETIMES IN CONFLICT WITH HALACHA, I FIND IT REAL TOUGH TO HELP MYSELF, AND FALL THROUGH.

Sem girl, you are human, and so am I.
being human, climbing and falling, making mistakes and making amends, that's life, and that's the beauty of it.

6/27/2005 6:24 PM  
Blogger The Rabbi's Kid said...

Semgirl,

Good post. This issue of common sense and balance is particularly tricky and thorny. It does depend on time and place. And there are a lot of factors to weigh up. French kissing, fun as it is, is probably deoraita. A couple of naive girls fooling around at sem is not going to get anyone pregnant.

My attitude would be to increase the information and education teenagers get regarding sexual and relationships issues, but with that by improving the understanding and tolerance in schools and communities that people have urges and things happen, and to retain a healthy perspective on these things.

The Ribono Shel Olam created our libidos and our desires for us to struggle with.

TRK

6/28/2005 1:39 AM  
Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Semgirl:

Obviously your father would not want anything written on a sweatshirt saying you're a porkchop, because its totally not tznius to have anything written on the front of a sweatshirt. That's why Michala in Jerusalem has the writing on the back. (Shoulder blades haven't been assured yet)

Wishing you much hatzlacha.

Jameel

6/28/2005 4:27 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

ben how did you get her to do what you wanted.

6/28/2005 8:41 AM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

Semgirl & Kvetcher, I'd prefer to think that I indirectly encouraged SG to write. I have better things to do than put words people's mouths.

I suspect the "porkchop" sweatchirt is meant to convey "trayf, disgusting and off-limits", though that can backfire. Imagine Homer Simpson (mmmm, pooorkchop.)

I concede that "freedom kissing" is d'Oraytah. On the other hand, no one is perfect and people break lots of d'Oraytahs on a daily basis without as much handwringing. There's real risk of "going beyond" and the halachic, emotional and health issues involved and its crucial for growing people to have honest information and dialogue about it.

Bravo to you, SG. I'm more or less with HT and the CAPS stuff she wrote. What bothered me about the "Big Question" article is that it didn't acknowledge that or give enough real voice to real people growing up.

Yyasher kocheych!

6/28/2005 10:56 AM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Rebbitzen Hoezen:

I love your writing style and would definitely take mussar from you over any one in my Sem. However, I think you thought just like me when you were 19, and maybe I will think like you in 20 years, as well.

6/28/2005 11:29 AM  
Blogger Hoezentragerin said...

" However, I think you thought just like me when you were 19, and maybe I will think like you in 20 years, as well."

Hey, don't make me feel thaaaaaaaaat ancient. ;)
I'm not even 10 years older than you.
I never was perfect, and never will be.
But whatever you do in your life, at least try to be honest with yourself.
Rationalizing and BSing to yourself will hinder and inhibit you from getting anyplace.

6/28/2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

How come from the teachers in my Sem, I just feel like "get lost!".

From you it is very comforting.
I will try to think about what you said. Noo guarantees, LOL.

6/28/2005 12:46 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

How come from the teachers in my Sem, I just feel like "get lost!".

From you it is very comforting.
I will try to think about what you said. Noo guarantees, LOL.

6/28/2005 12:46 PM  
Blogger Upgebinden said...

This essay was definetly not written by a teenage. And if its was then it was dictated word-by-word by her teacher. In my school, The word Guy was never even brought up. It was so excepted that noone even spoke to a guy that they felt that why bring up things that might make them look. Guys and Girls have been going on for decades, and whoever decided to interpret the words of the torah into Guys and girls should never have anything to do with each other is in my eyes like the Satmer Zionistim who claim we cant go to the kossel. Just warped. Now your trying to tell me that yackov never saw Rochel and never spoke to her It was a shidduch????? Comon!!! people should start opening there eyes and opening the bounds. Mayb then we will get somewher.

6/28/2005 1:20 PM  
Blogger Meyer said...

take some advice from a grandfather. Marry the guy who kisses the best. The yeshiva bochur only uses his tongue for lashan horah. you'll be happy. and don't cover your beautiful head with a dreadful theatrical wig. YOur parents will still love you. Read Pearl Abraham

6/28/2005 1:54 PM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

SEMI THE TEACHERS IN SEM ARE IN SEM BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW JACK. WE LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD. IF THEY HAD HALF A BRAIN THEY WOULD BE IN THE REEAL WORLD TOO.

6/28/2005 2:00 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Taub:

Right on, Sister.

Meyer:

Problem is the good kissers, I know aren't exactly good marriage material.

Kvetch:

Im actually inclined to agree with you.

6/28/2005 2:08 PM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

TAUB; COULD YOU REWRITE YOUR COMMENT SLOWLY AND IN ENGLISH PLEASE.

6/28/2005 4:01 PM  
Blogger Yankel Doodle said...

I don't mean to insult you but did you ever think that part of the reason you're getting red lousy shiduchim is because you have/had boyfriends?

6/28/2005 6:33 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Some comments, critiques and criticisms:

First of all, no links--I don't even know what Ben's request was, lulei demistafina.

Second, you tip your hand when you say, "indoctrination center (excuse me, Seminary)." Obviously, you're biased.

Third, your description of men as hopeless brutes and women as Emily Post wannabes is a bit over the top. Men will always be rougher around the edges than women, but if the Germans had described Jewish men as you did, we'd all be blogging about the antisemitism of it.

Fourth, girls experimenting with each other is a far cry from lesbianism.

Fifth, sexuality will always be a challenge. To expect the "System" to have all the answers--or even most of them--is to misunderstand human nature. To think that the mechanchim are unaware of this is naive.

Sixth, Hoez is spot on. To watch frummies embrace the enlightened ways of the secular world--with the divorce rate; with the sexual dysfunction; with the abject loneliness and misery--would be uproarious if it wasn't so pathetic.

Sweetiepie, if smooching with your boyfriend on S. Jerseys's equivalent of Carlton Road gets you off, prevents you from speaking loshon hora, and is part of your overall development as a bas yisroel, then go for it.

But don't be flaming the sems, the yeshivos and all the people trying to play by the rules while you're at it.

6/29/2005 12:26 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

those who can do, those who can't are mechanchim. or at least kollel guys. Cloo: if the teachers dont understand the changing times then they cant relate to the kids. some of these people are still living in post war brooklyn thinking the hippie movement is still going on. it aint flower power any more maybe flower powder.

6/29/2005 8:38 AM  
Blogger TheWatcher said...

I can stay silent no longer.
It’s hard for me to believe that the 2 postings by SemGirl are written by the same person. One the one hand, SemGirl has friends that French kiss other guys, and she also admits her own cravings for physical touch, but on the other had in her first posting she points out the hipocracy of “Torah town” where women aren’t able to attend shiurim on checking lettuce.

Semgirl feels justified in spending quiet moments with boyfriends, because of her lousy shidduchim. Where do you draw the line? Semgirl, let me leave you with this. You’re “hot” boyfriends may seem like great guys who want to hear about problems or issues that you may have. However, I’m going to tell you something that your parents should have taught you long ago. The harsh reality is that these guys are not interested in hanging out with you to listen to your problems and be a shoulder for you to cry on. They have only one thing in mind. The minute you stop giving in physically, you will see all your hunks disappear. If you want me to elaborate, you can e-mail me.

6/29/2005 10:40 AM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

The truth is...sexuality is a very personal thing. It's a private and personal struggle that can exist on a number of levels.
This is not something that Institutions have answers for. Mosdos give us the toold to be able cope with life and Nisyonos..but then we're on our own.

It's very easy to rationalize sexual desire by blaming situations..and circumstances but usually you will end up coming to the realization that you must look within. I remember when I was a Bochur..and my raging hormones were tormenting me..thinking..well wehn I get married things will be different. Well I ended marrying a beautiful woman who is very satsfying..and I still have sexual desires and thoughts about others. It hit me that I just love sex..just like someone else might love food.

Don;t forget ..our Mosdos also have to produce the future Gedolim..those that shouldn't be exposed to any breaches in tznius. And those students that are tempted to taste the forbidden....will be tempted regardless...


David

6/29/2005 10:45 AM  
Blogger TheWatcher said...

I forgot to mention one thing. Semgirl, I know exactly how these boyfriends really feel about you for one reason....I used to be one of those guys.

6/29/2005 10:50 AM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

The tragedy/comedy of the situation is that the "hot" guy that the "nice" girl plays with might actually also be good husband material. It's only because of the social division into "saints" and "whores" that we fail to recognize it (not the exclusive domain of TorahTown, BTW, I believe Freud covered this stuff.) When you're taught that good people restrain their sexuality (totally and completely, of course) then the person you're playing with couldn't possibly be "good".

Cloo, I believe that I'm the "Ben" SG meant. The essay she cites is on my 'blog.

6/29/2005 11:57 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

LET HER HAVE HER FUN NOW WHILE SHE STILL CAN.STOP PICKING ON HER. ITS GOOD TO GET SOME OF IT OUT OF THE SYSTEM BEFORE YOU SETTLE DOWN. HOW MANY OF YOU WISHED YOU HAD A MEMORY TO LOOK BACK ON BEFORE YOU ARE TIED TO ONE FUMBLING IN THE DARK YESHIVA GUY. YOU GO GIRL JUST DONT GET KNOCKED UP.

6/29/2005 12:43 PM  
Blogger TheWatcher said...

Sorry Kvetcher. I usually agree with you, but I just can’t sit here and not say anything. The point is, she hasn’t got it out of her system yet, and is still going on shidduch dates, while hanging out with boys. I don’t have a problem with her hanging out with boys, but it’s the physical stuff that I think is wrong. Semgirl sounds like a good person, but I just don’t want her to do something that she’s going to regret later on. She sounds like a real intelligent girl and should have dropped the boyfriends once she started going out on shidduchim.

6/29/2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger baalbatish said...

It is not fair to the yeshiva bochur. He is expecting a Bais Yakov girl and you have a double life. You are wasting his time and money. He makes the trip to your house and you are not interested in him from the start. Very demoralizing.

6/29/2005 2:50 PM  
Blogger The Hedyot said...

Why is french kissing more forbidden than regular kissing?

6/29/2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

beacause its french

6/29/2005 3:46 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Watcher:

I assure you I am one and the same. In fact it is interconnected; if there was more Torah and learning for girls, such as myself instead of the fluff they give in Seminary, I might be more equipped to deal with urges and taivos better.
Feel free to email if you want.

6/29/2005 7:32 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

B-Batish:

You have it backwards. I only have the boy friends, because the Shidduchim aren't going that well. Actually, I am very interested in the bochurim that I date, and then they aren't interested in me, for some shallow reason like my figure, or looks, or family bank-acct.

6/29/2005 8:13 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

B-Batish:

You have it backwards. I only have the boy friends, because the Shidduchim aren't going that well. Actually, I am very interested in the bochurim that I date, and then they aren't interested in me, for some shallow reason like my figure, or looks, or family bank-acct.

6/29/2005 8:13 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Watcher,
Of course it's one person. We all have our Jeckyl and Hyde moments. But, Sem, he is totally right about the guys intentions, and Ben's point is equally valid--that you might lose one of the good guys by showing him your bad girl side (Which you absolutely should do AFTER you're married--nudge, nudge; wink, wink; hint, hint; say no more.)

Ben, It's always a rush to be quoted on other people's blogs. Happened to me twice this week. An 18-yr-old Christian named her post, "Lulei Demistafina" and I'm positively kvelling.

Btw, in my family we call it Freedom Kissing

6/29/2005 8:35 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Sem, First of all you can't blame, lulei demistafina, your teachers or the system. And even if you could, what good does it do you? Go find the inspiration, chizuk and hadracha that you need. It's out there. It's your responsibility to find it.

As for the looks thing being "shallow" you have to be realistic. You're asking a guy to limit his sexuality to one woman; it's fair for him to want an attraction.

6/29/2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6/29/2005 9:53 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

SG, It's too bad that (for one reason or another: "life", your friends, family or something someone else said) that you feel somehow unworthy. I don't know you, but I'm sure that you're a unique and beautiful person, like no other. Beautiful and worthy people come rich and poor, fat and thin, tall and short, pretty and plain, able and handicapped. I hope that you find the strength to believe in yourself. If people are unfair and superficial about this and reduces you to a commodity, please do your best to ignore or sidestep them. Find mentors, friends and role-models you feel good being with and who'll enhance your life.

6/29/2005 10:01 PM  
Blogger funkysmell said...

Hmm..

6/29/2005 10:11 PM  
Blogger TheWatcher said...

Semgirl,
I take back what I said regarding your original post, because I can see how it might be interrelated. I agree that a lot of Seminary’s don’t take on the real issues that affect girls your age. I don’t blame you for that and I do respect your honesty. However, before I got married I used to be the kind of guy that would use girls for any kind of physical interaction, but now I really regret what I did, so I just didn’t want to sit back and not say anything.

6/30/2005 8:59 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

cloo: she must have been an Italian girl. it does sound italian or at least a high end jewelry store on 5th ave.
SEMI: if a guy cares more about the bank account you dont need those kind of people. that is what the shit uch world has turned to. it sad. my advice is go kiss all the guys yiu want and when you find the one that make chills run down your spine dont let him go. finding your own soul mate will make you appreciate it alot more. and in the mean time have fun looking.

6/30/2005 9:06 AM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Watcher:

Thanks for the warning; but Im not stupid about those kind of boys. Lets just say it is mutually beneficial and leave it at that.

Kvetch:

I like how you think; if it were only that simple. How would you feel if your daughter brought home this great kisser, and you absolutely hated him and felt he was totally wrong for her.

6/30/2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

Reminds me of a country song made popular by Trisha Yearwood. "How does a city boy know so much about country?" Ask Mrs Moreh!

She's In Love With The Boy
(Jon Ims)

Katie's sitting on the old front porch
Watching the chickens peck the ground
There ain't a whole lot going on tonight
In this one horse town.
Over yonder, coming up the road
In a beat-up Chevy truck
Her boyfriend Tommy, he's laying on the horn
Splashing through the mud and the muck

Her daddy says, "he ain't worth a lick
When it came to brains, he got the short end of the stick"
But Katie's young and man she just don't care
She'd follow Tommy anywhere

She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
And even if they have to run away
She's gonna marry that boy someday

Katie and Tommy at the drive-in movie
Parked in the very last row
They're too busy holding on to one another
To even care about the show
But later on outside the Tastee Freeze,
Tommy slips something on her hand
He says, "my high school ring will have to do
Till I can buy a wedding band"

Her daddy says, "he ain't worth a lick
When it came to brains, he got the short end of the stick"
But Katie's young and man she just don't care
She'd follow Tommy anywhere
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
And even if they have to run away
She's gonna marry that boy someday

Her daddy's waiting up till half past twelve
When they come sneaking up the walk
He says, "young lady get on up to your room
While me and junior have a talk"
But Mama breaks in and says, "don't lose your temper
It wasn't very long ago
When you yourself was just a hay-seed plowboy
Who didn't have a row to hoe"

"My daddy said you wasn't worth a lick
When it came to brains, you had the short end of the stick
But he was wrong and honey you are too
Katie looks at Tommy like I still look at you"

She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
What's meant to be will always find a way
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy
She's in love with the boy

What's meant to be will always find a way
She's gonna marry that boy someday.
She's in love with the boy....

6/30/2005 10:18 AM  
Blogger thekvetcher said...

SEMI I HAVE ALL GIRLS, LITTLE ONES I MAY ADD. IF THEY ARE AS SMART AS THEIR MOTHER THEN THERE WILL BE NO WRONG BOYS.

6/30/2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger Duude said...

Hey Semgirl, like your blog, pretty good stuff...

First of all, you gotta realise, you can't generalise like that, you say that the dguys you hang out with aren't really marriage material, I'm guessing you're looking in the wrong places, because your shidduch dates are going lousily, you're going to the other extreme, the guys that are not doing anything with there lives, and ya just wanna have a good time.

My point is, you can't generalise like that, I know enough guys who are perfect marriage material, and have gf's, who they're probably gonna end up marrying, I'm talkin serious relationship, not the 16 y/o BS, hell I'd get married myself, if it weren't for comlicationas, (more about that on my blog). I'm strongly against the shidduch system, but seriously, you can find guys that are great both ways... It's hard coming from that town in Jersey, I know...

Good luck though!

Keep it up!

7/04/2005 2:27 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

The boys are taught in Yeshiva to look for the "rich girls" to marry.

Kinda weird if you think about it. They are taught all the "values" of the Torah, and how its important to learn above all else, and not to think about material things. Yet when it comes to marriage they are encouraged by the Rabbis to seek out a "Rich Shver" They hardly look at the qualities of the girl if the "dough" is not there!

It is wrong! And many good girls suffer from this system. Just look at the thousands of single girls out there!!

Peace!!

NJ from NJ

7/07/2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger rabbi neil fleischmann said...

Could part of the differences you describe between guys and girls be just that - differences between guys and girls. I have been teaching in a Co-ed Yeshiva HS in Northern NJ for nine years. Whatever else one can say about co-education I find it undeniable that the girls have a taming influence on the boys. But this is limited to when they're together in class. As soon as the boys are alone they're back to eating Dougies wings with their hands and wrestling eachother on the floor.

7/07/2005 1:04 PM  
Blogger Meyer said...

In the 60's long before you were born there was a song with the lines "if you can't be with the one you love, love the one your' with". Is that what you want to happen to you? Don't you think you deserve happiness- to have your dreams come true!

7/07/2005 3:23 PM  
Blogger daat y said...

Semgirl:Without posting your issues can't be resolved.Unless they've been resolved already.

7/09/2005 6:50 PM  
Blogger Esther Malka said...

find your bashert, new york frum singles network

http://www.upoc.com/group.jsp?group=frumconnect

7/10/2005 1:38 PM  
Blogger StillSearching said...

What about the singles waiting to be married. People collect $$$$$$ for hachnasas kala but do nothing for singles

7/10/2005 11:32 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

you know, that there are boys who deal with similar issues. ones who are similarly lonely, and because of such situations dispite being the kind of guy that every might want, that they are rejected for the simple reason that they have some small issue.

7/12/2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger Queenie said...

you're a 'mere girl'? What the hell is that supposed to mean?


Why would you go on a nerdy shidduch if you already have a cool boyfriend?

7/13/2005 10:40 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog.

All best wishes, and hope that your year in Israel is productive, fun and provides you with a true avenue towards self-discovery.

8/20/2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger madethisjustopost said...

i understand about the "boyfriend" thing. i'd always felt guilty about being friendly with guys, mostly online so i never really saw them. but now i'm glad to have this kesher. i take comfort in the fact that i can have a truly platonic relationship (trust me. i might think i have feelings for them, but upon meeting them in person they always go away), and it's nice to be able to have a member of the opposite sex as a specimen when deciding how to conduct a real relationship. i provide the same service to guys, telling them how girls' minds work.

10/16/2005 2:26 AM  

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