SEMGIRL

Hi, I was just your typical 19 year old Seminary girl in South Jersey (if you don't know where I mean, you are probably on the wrong blog). We all have nisoynos, challenges, and experiences, both positive and negative. Here is where I have decided to share some of them.

Name:
Location: Lakewood, New Jersey, United States

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Tale of Two Dates

It was the best of dates. It was the worst of dates.
A few weeks ago, I was restocking the Bikur Cholim pantry in one of the local hospitals, when a bochur walked in to get a cold drink before visiting his grandmother. He was so incredibly gorgeous ; very tall, skinny, curly brown hair, luscious blue eyes, and a real adorable smile. I just said hello, shyly. Then as fate would have it, the following Motzi Shabbos, I seen him in Shoprite, and I literally forgot my shopping list, because he was so mesmerizing .It was rather embarrassing, because I couldn’t stop looking at this astonishingly handsome guy, but we just exchanged smiles. The clincher came over the past weekend. When I ran into him again at Ocean County Mall. This time, since we were in a neutral place and no frum people were around we struck up a conversation. After a while we mutually agreed to go to a nearby movie. The new remake of Willy Wonka was playing. As a child, it was one of my favorites, and one of the only videos my father would allow in the house. This remake was drastically different, although to be honest, I barely saw the movie. Yossi was a little bit too frisky for my tastes, but he was so devastatingly cute, I felt paralyzed. .In fact, I thought that I drank too much soda and didn’t make it to the lady’s room in time. I realized later, that (blush) , that wasn’t the case. After the movie we went for ice-cream and had a very nice conversation.
A week or so ago, I had a very different sort of date. Several months of information checks that would make the recruiters at the human resources dept green with envy, went into setting it up. Dovid (not his real name), picked me up at my house. This bochur didn’t exactly make young girls drool, but I always endeavor to be open-minded. Whereas, Yossi had a sweetness about him, Dovid was very arrogant and a tad bit obnoxious. We went to B&N, a nice shidduch place, I suppose. Anyway, after waiting on line in the Café, for like half an hour, and playing another round of the “I’m frummer then you game”, we opted to just walk back and forth in front of the stores.. Finally, we settled for sodas, nearby. I haven’t felt so awkward and uncomfortable in a long time, as the conversation was very strained. So, here I am with Mr.- Borsalino-and over-powering-bad-cologne, and I can’t think of anything to say. As we walked, he was looking at his reflection in every store-window, It seemed like he was so in love with himself, is there room for anyone else. He kept admiring, and brushing his hat, so much , I was sorely tempted to grab it and step on it. In fact, he just spoke about himself the whole evening.
At least, now I know everything that you don’t want to know about buying ties, hats, and white-on-white shirts. Basically, he is a spoiled kid, who never worked a day in his life, who is very eager to recruit a Semgirl to work hard for Dovid Inc., so that he can be busy “keeping the world in existence” (barf, barf), or at least pretend to be.

92 Comments:

Blogger ch chick said...

Looks like you deleted the post with the comments

7/19/2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger Yankel Doodle said...

Semgirl goes wild?
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think your average semgirl meets a "frisky" guy, in a mall and goes out to a movie... Hey, I don't mean to critisize, I'm just trying to figure out where to place you on the frum map.

7/19/2005 11:59 PM  
Blogger ch chick said...

I know that the Shidduch scene can be a real drag....blind dates from Hell....So when a cute guy comes along an you make an instant "connection" you should treat it as a gift from the one above and not F**k it up. When you go to the movies with a guy and he gets too "frisky", he's taking too many liberties and you are putting out too much! This may sound a mite old fashioned, but our mother's were right, if one can get it for free, why pay?
Even if you thought that this was part of the fun and games and that Yossi was not real marriage material, one never knows where things can lead. If all a guy wants is some ass, why should it be yours? Save it. And if he really wants YOU for the whole package, he will wait. He will keep knocking till he's allowed in. When the time is right

So please, don't be so free with yourself. You think it's just a game, but it smacks of poor self image and self esteem. And any SEM GIRL should have what to be proud of.

Good Luck!

7/20/2005 12:13 AM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

sorry ch chick it was 3 am, and I was practically asleep when I seen there were 2 identical posts..

7/20/2005 8:36 AM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

YD just like your average black hat yesh bochur doesnt usually go to movies. Go to the 7-plex in Sheeps Head Bay on a moitzei shabb, tell me how many you see.

7/20/2005 8:38 AM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

I'm a bit confused...

You go out with a guy you met on your own, you go to a movie with him, and you seem ok with his friskyness.

You also go out with a guy who wear's a Borsalino on a date and is looking for a meal-ticket so he can keep the world in existence.

Without being too judgmental here, I think you are acting two-faced here.

Do yourself and any potential blind dates a favor and stick with the Yossi types from now on.

You'll be saving yourself alot of time...by not wasting yours and the Borsalino types.

7/20/2005 9:02 AM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

I think you need to find the happy medium Semgirl. The Borsalino man aint for you and you know it! The "frisky" bochur aint good for you either, as I am sure you will agree!

You need to openly and honestly have a chat with your parents about what you really are looking for, and then they can help you find your "Mr. Right"!

Until you are on the same page with your parents ( or at least in the same book) you will continue to have this inner conflict.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!

Peace1

NJ from NJ

7/20/2005 9:41 AM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

"Several months of information checks that would make the recruiters at the human resources dept green with envy, went into setting it up"

That is a very innovative way of putting it. I'm redding a Shidduch to a friend as I write.
And for a girl in the same city he, his parents and sister have interviewed over a 100 people, and still no definite yes.
But I have a good feeling.(eve the optimist)

7/20/2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger The real me said...

NJ from NJ,

As much as I agree with you, such things are becoming the norm, and happen very often by the black hat wearing crowd.

I know many a black hatter who has gotten married that way.

The problem however is that most of them just look at it as a way to have some fun.

7/20/2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Yankel Doodle said...

Semgirl
I learnt in a litvishe yeshiva and I can't think of more than one or two, of the many bh'ers that I know, that may have gone to the movies. And I'm pretty sure that if they went they watched the movie and didn't get "frisky" (I like that word, it reminds me of a puppy wagging its tail) in the back seats. Shepshead Bay is all the way down Ocean Parkway, right? How do I get to the 7plex? Maybe I'll check it out one Motzei shabbes.

7/20/2005 11:44 AM  
Blogger Meyer said...

give your heart to the guy who rocks your world. what do ya wanna be anyway? one of those be-snooded,denimed to the floor with sneakers- veibels or a lady who looks forward to each day

7/20/2005 11:53 AM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

Meyer- it's a pretty shallow existence if you marry someone because he knows how to "rock your world" by fondling you in the movie theatre.

7/20/2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/20/2005 12:49 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

From what I understand, SG did not seem too unhappy with Yossi, both physically and "spiritually". Why does chchick paint a picture that all a guy wants is a piece of *&& and a girl has no wants? Wht does NJ feel that Yossi is automatically "not for you?"

So, why not go to SemTati and SemMommy, and say "I've met a guy on my own and we get along nicely?" Because it seems that in SemGirl's world, the leadership, the teachers and the parents (with complicity of the kids) have beaten into everyone's head the idea that "you are incapable of making decisions on your own and need to rely on a parent/rov/shadchan/vegetable checker/mikveh lady/Dor Yesharim, etc."

Maybe a 19 year old can successfully choose her own partner, maybe she can't. Maybe the kids, left to their own devices, will make awful choices or remain single into their forties and regret it. But that's life and that's risk. Who's to say that the parents and "experts" do a better job? That everyone's married at 25? Do we know how happy these people really are, when they sure as heck won't talk and don't have many options?

And why should a 19 year old have to wait until there are no frum people around in order to talk to a member of the opposite gender?

SG, try to keep a cool head (i.e., don't make decisions for spite), perhaps you have a future with this (or another) Yossi.

7/20/2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger EN said...

semgirl-Was the reason why you liked yossi because he was handsome, cute, and generous with spending money on you, or was it because you held of his values and you love him for who he is? What do you think is important in life? What do you think will hold a marriage together? If you are not ready for marriage you should be honest with your parents and yourself. Marriage is a big step in life and it should be taken seriously.

7/20/2005 12:55 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

...one more thing. Is there really something intrinsically wrong with wearing floor length denim skirts, sneakers & snoods? Can one who wears the above items not "look forward to every day?"

7/20/2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

Rewriting.

about the cute guy, wow! you went with him. cool. :)

He reminds me of someone I saw who is also cute and sweet. He was a counselor in the daycamp I worked at some summers ago. I used to stare at him and spoke to hime once in a while.

Your story also reminds of a story I read about another young man named Yossi. People thought he was just a plain ordinary person but later found that he has a lot of charisma.

7/20/2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

I still haven't figured out why Semgirl is dating Borsalino types...

I don't know too many Borsalino types who would like to find out that the girl they are dating likes to get fondled in movie theatres.

7/20/2005 2:23 PM  
Blogger Meyer said...

whatever works!

7/20/2005 2:35 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

Meyer, U gonna start a blog of your own or what? I see you tried 3 times, but no content yet!

We are waiting!!

Peace1
NJ from NJ

7/20/2005 2:39 PM  
Blogger Meyer said...

no blog from me though I enjoy yours. I really don't have that much to say. I am just a guy who is not frum but, due to circumstances, find myself living in the frum world. there aren't many people who I can voice my feelings to as though in this world it would be construed as anti-social. I am just going with flow. Keep writing and I will read

7/20/2005 2:47 PM  
Blogger The Jewropean said...

Sorry, but the more I read this blog the more I am disgusted how some people abuse Torah to build a sexist, anti-democratic parallel world just to satisfy their eogism.

I hope you will find a good husband who will remmeber Shlomo haMelech's words of a good wife being worth more than pearls.

Good luck.

7/20/2005 4:47 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

don't quite know what to say really. if you hate the borsolino types then shift over toward yossi's type for a bit. but it does look like you had a good time with him.

7/20/2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger old carriage sports lounge said...

Hey Semgirl, you think you had a bad date??? Not sure if you read my blog in the past week or so [and for some real quick background: I'm not frum] but I had, simply put, one of the most awkward, uncomfortable, totally wrong experiences of my life. http://pleasepassthechrain.blogspot.com.
Sheepshead Bay movie theatre is actually right by my house (about a five minute walk away).
Also, thanks for the visual...the one about you in the movie theatre with the cute bokher and your *clears throat* uhm...your...gosh, I can't even say it. The thing about where you thought you drank too much soda. That was weird.

7/20/2005 8:38 PM  
Blogger daat y said...

you have already decided that yeshiva types are not for you.
But is all you're interested in
that the guy be 'handsome'.

7/20/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Thoughtfullcare said...

Im sure you will find the right one with g-d's helpm neither sounds like theyre going to make it to your chupa.. although i am sure they will make it to someone else's... i have a new blog i welcome you all to visit if you wish, thoughfullcare.blogspot.com

7/21/2005 12:02 AM  
Blogger bec said...

quick reality check for everyone....
obviously, semgirl has not been dating long at this point. if she finds one bocher who is not for her, but another who is, well, GREAT! but if she finds one yossi who is not for her, and another yossi type, that's great too! also, if you're shomer negiah, you need to make that clear, really clear. from personal experience, that can really make or break a relationship, especially if you have to wait a while--it's probably best to be sn so as not to lead a guy on...or at least be clear as to how far you're willing to go (hand-holding, etc.)

7/21/2005 7:13 AM  
Blogger Elster said...

SG - I'm a bit confused. You seem to be a frum girl yet your story indicates that perhaps you have a different existence beyong what appears on the outside.

I don't judge. Perhaps you just need to figure out who you are. I did at 25, maybe it'll happen a little earlier for you?

7/21/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

don't frum people mess around a bit too?

7/21/2005 5:01 PM  
Blogger yingele said...

Q: What happened with loverboy Yossi?

7/23/2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Yingele:

I still see him from time to time. We may go to Seaside or Lavalette
this week.

7/23/2005 11:42 PM  
Blogger LostSpirit said...

Its nice reading this all while you are single, so make sure not to end up marrying the equivalent of a Mr Borsalino because if yes you will find yourself enjoying frisky men even after you are married. So go with your heart and not with the result of information checkers that have agendas that are very different from your own interests.

7/24/2005 12:47 AM  
Blogger Elster said...

SG:

For everyone it's something different. For me, it was just finally realizing who was, notthe person I thought I was. If you really want the details, let me know.

7/24/2005 9:30 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

elster

Yes you could share them on the blog or via email.. Whichever you prefer..

7/24/2005 10:08 PM  
Blogger Elster said...

SG:

I wrote a blog post in response. Check it out. As I do not want to be too specific on my blog regarding personal info, and you are still interested, let me know. I will give you an email address.

7/25/2005 11:49 AM  
Blogger bleemy's blemishes said...

SG- I love your blog!!! I SO identify with lots of the stuff you write!

Thanks for visiting!

BB

7/25/2005 12:50 PM  
Blogger The Real Neo said...

I can completely relate to your experience (except the movie part) and it can be tremendously frustrating. To meet someone by "circumstance" and to hit it off, enjoy their appearence and company, mannerisms and all around get a charge from being around them, is what we all hope for because it probably felt so natural for you.

The shidduch experience is all too typical, someone you don't know and will be lucky to be attracted to them and getting to know them in an interview style fashion and trying to devlop a spark.

I think if you follow your heart and head you will be ok. I haven't read your blog for long and I don't presume to know you, but it seems as if you have a strong sense of where you are and who you go well with.

Maybe there is something in the middle that will get it done, ya know?

7/25/2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger FoncusedYid said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/25/2005 8:25 PM  
Blogger AnySara said...

You go girl - everyone needs a Yossi once in awhile. If it turns out he's for you in other ways, so much the better!!

Keep us posted!

7/25/2005 9:31 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

FoncusedYid - My short response to your drible: FUCK OFF!!

And now for the long version: as i told you before, i have yet to meet a bigger hypocrite than you!! You are a spineless "holier than thou" kolel shit head who cant get a job if you tried!!

I would refer all those who want to see the true you to Yiddishe Mamme's blog, and to look at the inappropriate sexual advances you make toward a married woman!! Yet you have the audacity to call me a "flirt" ( I am a flirt, and I dont deny it, and i dont criticize others who do!)

I would also refer them to many other blogs where i have seen you commenting

Yet you have the chutzpah to tell me that i shouldnt waste my time blogging ( only your surfing is considered time well spent) and that being online a is a sin ( except for you of course)

As far as Lakewood is concerned, i dont pretend to be a tzaddik, in fact if you read my posts instead of blindly criticizing ( as many frummies like you do), u may see that I am far from hiding behind any rosh yeshiva!

and lastly, if u hate my blog so much, why the fuck to you keep returning?! STAY AWAY!! FUCK OFF!! GET A LIFE!!

Peace!

NJ from NJ

7/25/2005 11:21 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Admittedly, the shidduch process can, lulei demistafina, drain the romance out of dating. But what if Borsalino man hadn't been so enamored of his own reflection? What if he wasn't so arrogant and focused on you, asking you thought provoking questions? And what if he was as "astonishingly handsome" as the other.

Granted, meeting on a bikur cholim run makes for a great sheva berachos story, but is this really an apples-to-apples comparison?

Additionally, if CutiePants was getting "a little bit too frisky" for your tastes, isn't that a symptom of the same narcissism displayed by BorsalinoBrat? They're both interested in their own self-indulgement at the expense of your comfort.

7/26/2005 2:08 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Here's a Saturday night for all y'all who are willing:

Go to the SevenPlex in Sheepshead Bay and, lulei demistafina, count the frummies. Then drive back up Ocean Parkway and walk into Torah Temimah and count the number of bochurim who are shteiging away.

See which building has more.

The end.

7/26/2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

cloojew- Let me know the tally!! lol

Peace!

NJ from NJ

7/26/2005 2:17 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Normal,

It looks like the comment you refer to was, lulei demistafina, removed.

Btw, I love the "STAY AWAY!! F*** OFF!! GET A LIFE!!" followed by "Peace!"

Um, so when is Tisha B'Av again?

7/26/2005 2:24 PM  
Blogger Elster said...

Await your reply

7/26/2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

cloojew- first of all the comment I was referring to was NOT removed. I was asking the final tally of which venue had more yeshiva bachurim!

secondly, although you are right that Tisha B'Av is coming and that we need to be peaceful with one another, when I am confronted time and again by a hypocritical shit for brains self proclaimed Mashgiach of the internet, who gives mussar to all except himself, then by all means I will tell him to FUCK OFF in no uncertain terms!! Sucha person does not deserve to be dignified with a civil response!!

Peace! Peace! Peace!

Nj from NJ

7/26/2005 9:59 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

"Such a person does not deserve to be dignified with a civil response!!"

I, lulei demistafina, disagree. Everyone ought to get a civil response--or none at all. If you believe that truth is on your side, you can make your arguments calmly and cogently. That's the "kol demamah dakah."

Peace, bro!

7/26/2005 10:14 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

CJew

You make valid points. But my daing experience (which isnt that extensive, Im only 19) has been pretty much like these 2 guys. The really handsome Yesh guys arent usually "red" to me.

As for narcisistic (someone took his SAT), I think Yossi is just is like most healthy men his age with raging hormones. Because, otherwise he was exceptionally courteous in stark constrast to most of the Shidduch dates I go out with.

NJ:

CHILL OUT!

El: We'll talk.

7/26/2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger The real me said...

It seems lately that the heat wave going around the country has made it to this comment page.

7/27/2005 3:21 AM  
Blogger fsgsf said...

Ok, I am breathing in, breathinout, breathing in, breathing out.......................................

I guess you are right, the heat is getting to us!


peace!

Nj from NJ

7/27/2005 10:10 AM  
Blogger FoncusedYid said...

First of all to all of you commenters: i am glad to see that you all know me

Normal Jew: Dont breath in and out like that, youre turning me on.. ANd if you beg long enough i am sure Ruchie will take off this blog as well.
And now let me add this, you piece of shit: Youre the lowest of the low! On the introduction to yuor blog, you write i invite anybody to criticise and i will admit when i am wrong. YEA RIGHT!!! you have no balls!!! instead of deleting my comment you should've debated me you cow!! your dumb ass way of thinking you could not even come up with a response.

AND the flirting you refer to on yiddishe mamme's site: you pea brain, your sense of humor is gevaldig, if you would read the whole post you would realise what i am saying it was in respond to something she said you moron!!!!

AND what gives you the right to use the FUCK word just because i do? how do you justify that you dick!! What does my time here have to do with your BITEL ZMAN!! thats not a good answer that i am here too!!

7/27/2005 5:37 PM  
Blogger Elster said...

Pardon my ignorance - Guys really wear hats when they go out on dates? This is a serious question, I'm not poking fun I just want to know.

BTW: I am not stepping in, but don't you guys think it's a little rude to use someone else's forum as a place for your verbal wrastlin? I don't know what you are fighting about or why, but you probably shouldn't bring all your issues to someone else's blog. Just a thought

7/27/2005 5:44 PM  
Blogger FoncusedYid said...

NORMAL :

I forgot to mention. That party my wife hosted for you and yours in brooklyn last month, was mostly sponsored by my "MAASER MONEY" so please if you dont mind honey, enjoy!!!

7/27/2005 8:42 PM  
Blogger bleemy's blemishes said...

foncusedyid- If anyone is a DICK in this it is YOU!! If you want to be a dick, get your own damn blog to do it on!! Or are you afraid noone would come to your shitty blog!!

Get a life!!

7/27/2005 10:58 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Thanks BB and CJew couldnt of said it better myself..

7/27/2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/28/2005 8:54 AM  
Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

Everybody stop. I know people probrably still have more to say, but we need to control ourself and Not let this keep going back and forth.

7/28/2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger yingele said...

Semgirl said...
Yingele:

I still see him from time to time. We may go to Seaside or Lavalette
this week.


Nuuuu?! What happened? Any news?

7/28/2005 8:36 PM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Wow! What a blog! Semgirl, perhaps you aren't getting red the right guys. I have gone out with some drop-dead gorgeous Yesh guys (tho so far none worked out). The Yossi type: Yea big pull, specially the way you guys met. I've gone with some such guys during my year in Israel, but I have learnt that frisky on the first date usually is not a good sign. (but if he cools off, hey, maybe...) BTW, you thought you drank too much and didn't make it? Are you really 19? Like you never felt this before?
Peace All, and calm down you guys.

7/29/2005 3:48 PM  
Blogger old carriage sports lounge said...

seeing as it's almost shabbos i'll keep this short. i can't even believe i'm saying this, but some of you who've posted here have also posted on my blog, kindly, peacefully...(draws a cyber toke)...and it's always been all good.
so nu...what happened? i come here and it's fighting and cursing, frummie versus frummie (not being frum myself i've never actually used that word but i guess there's always a first time).
could we please recall our obligation to maintain and uphold shalom bayis? i can't even believe it--two to three semi-regaular posters on my blog...cursing each other out?!?! mameniu!
if we can't all get along, well...veren zol fun dir a blintze, un fun im a katz...er zol dikh oysfresn, un mit dir zikh dervargn, volt men fun aykh beyde poter gevorn.

7/29/2005 7:53 PM  
Blogger old carriage sports lounge said...

good shabbos--lehitraot!

7/29/2005 7:53 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Elisheva.. Of course, I have felt it before, but ...blush.. Im very naive. I grew up very insulated, so I'm first starting to experience thses kinds of things now.

7/30/2005 10:24 PM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

The whole shidduch thing is so fascinating to me. I can't hear enough about it. I look forward to hearing more about your dates since I can't ask any of the girls in my community about theirs.

7/31/2005 11:24 AM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Semgirl:
I know what you mean. Come from a pretty sheltered home myself. I guess some stuff you just figure out no matter that they don't teach it in Bais Yaakov (blush). I guess I just figured it out quite some time ago, tho I wondered if I was a freak or what till I found out in sem that this is quite normal.
Just wondered if you havn't figured that out yet, maybe that's why the shidduch story is so hard. Sometimes we think we are not allowed to see if we find a guy attactive and if he makes us - blush - yes, get that feeling. But it is perfectly normal what this Yossi guy makes you feel, tho it can make us do stupid stuff I think. Shalom.

7/31/2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger BipolarPrincess said...

You will not believe this, but, I had a guy ask about me, my likes and opinions, on a date! I had never experienced such a thing, and quite honestly, don't expect to find it again.

7/31/2005 8:40 PM  
Blogger EN said...

Semgirl- Could you please stop putting on make-up while writing a post, you're *blush* making me *blush*. (Nu?, where's the new post?!)

7/31/2005 9:39 PM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

Sem Girl,

I have to admit cloojew nailed your post and lay the truth bare. It is quite a kick for me to read your blog me being a BT and all. I came from that whole world that you are dipping your toes into. I find it funny that you tried to defend your frisky friend by saying he is "exceptionally courteous in stark contrast to most of the Shidduch dates I go out with." If only you knew how "frisky" guys think! Why do you think they are courteous? Why do you think they act like gentlemen? Have you heard Rabbi Orlofsky's tape called Platonic Relationships? It is excellent and 100% true! Take it from a guy who has been there and done that. You aren't going to find a "frisky" type guy that really cares about the real you. If you want a broken heart you are headed in the right direction. When you toy with these type of relationships someone always gets hurt. I have seen it happen so many times. I have hurt others as well as been hurt by them. Unless you are an emotionally cold person you are really risking your heart. We start out very sensitive people and the more we mess around in these areas the less sensitive we become. Save even the little things for the man you will ultimately marry. He deserves it.

7/31/2005 9:58 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

dont you mean she deserves it? she isnt saving it for any one but herself. it hurts to be made to think we (boy or girl) are just for our besherts. (though we are to some extent, we should take care of ourselves for our own souls sake and for self respect.)

just my worthless two cents.

7/31/2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

It isn't worthless at all. You are absolutely right HNC.

8/01/2005 12:16 AM  
Blogger raining-noodles said...

eh I have no idea why people are attacking you for dating certain people; in Singapore girls go out with whichever type they prefer and no one complains about that.


P.S. i've found your blog (evidently) and replied your email!

if you're desperate for those shoes (as I think I am, too), check ebay.com or head to shanghai (china) where you can get loads of good deals. (:

cheers!

8/01/2005 6:14 AM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

thank you...

8/01/2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

hnc,

Thanks for pointing that out. That is what I meant. I meant to say that when both people save that sensitivity for marriage it makes the best possible relationship. Like if you eat your favorite food all the time it just isn't special anymore. I compare the many people that fool around before marriage to drinking hot tea. You get your steaming cup of tea and stare at it. You know that if you wait for it to cool down you will be able to enjoy every last sip. But most of us are impatient and we take that first sip and burn our tongue. Now we have dulled our sensitivity to the rest of the drink and enjoy it less. So to by fooling around before marriage. If we are patient then we will enjoy all the pleasures of marriage to it's fullest extent. But if we are impatient then we may just get burned or burn others in the process. How do you want your tea? :)

Semgirl you got something really special going on. When I first started checking out Judaism I was so impressed by the religious madricha's (trip leaders)! I thought to myself... there is no way I can hook up with them... no matter what. The modesty, morality and self-respect they had was foreign to everything I had grown up with. This was a new type of "turn-on" for me. I was used to being able to get any girl I wanted and I soon realized that these "untouchable" girls were really the best out there. This was part of the reason I started to look more into Judaism. I realized that ultimately this is the type of person I would like to marry. :)

8/01/2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

do you have more stories? we're still waiting for the next post!

hnc

8/02/2005 2:14 PM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Cool BT:
One thing about your comment bothered me. You say the frum madrichot, who were untouchable, were a new turn-on for you.
So all you are really saying is that after having everything cheap or free, having someone who is hard to get, is a real turn-on for you.
I can understand that. But why does that make it frummer? You are still getting turned-on by these girls, just in a better way. According to you, you should not even be thinking about them, so as to savor your tea the first time after marriage.
Shalom all...

8/02/2005 11:59 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Elisheva,
I think CBT's point is that he was "turned on" in a good way by their inner beauty, their modesty, their spirituality.

As opposed to their chests, lulei demistafina.

8/03/2005 12:45 AM  
Blogger eliana said...

My Rabbi told such a beautiful Baal Shem Tov story...

A bride-to-be meets her shidduch and he walks with a limp. He's a great Torah scholar and has a heart of gold, but he walks with a limp, and this bothers her even though she knows it's shallow.

She goes to see the Baal Shem Tov. He sends her to a mirror in the corner. She looks in the mirror and starts to tremble. She sees her shidduch and he is walking perfectly! Only now, she is limping behind him.

She asks the Baal Shem Tov how this could be. He says to her, "In heaven, when your souls were paired together, he noticed you walked with a limp. He knew it was important for a girl to feel beautiful and walk straight, so he took your limp!"

NOTE: My shidduch's going to have to be completely screwed up since I'm so perfect:) haha

8/03/2005 5:25 AM  
Blogger tastic said...

that's really a beautiful story.

8/03/2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/03/2005 4:35 PM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

Beautiful story, though there are so many versions of it with different people, that's it's probably not true.

One version involves Moses Mendelson using that line with his prospective bride- to- be.

8/03/2005 5:50 PM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

http://www.lexibridges.com/fairy.html

8/03/2005 5:53 PM  
Blogger Willowsss said...

good post... thanks.

Jon
my site: com iq

8/03/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/03/2005 8:12 PM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

cloojew, that was exactly my point. Thanks for the nice comment on my blog.

8/03/2005 9:16 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

i really like that story. it's really really nice.

8/03/2005 9:42 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

I absolutely loved that story. I told it to several women today and we all found it to be tremendously inspiring.

8/03/2005 11:52 PM  
Blogger eliana said...

Glad you liked the story!

However nervous a girl is on a date, multiply it by fifty. Then, assume that's how nervous the boy is.

****
If you look at tznius like it's a chore, it will be. If you look at it like you are guarding yourself like a precious gem, you'll enjoy the mitzvah.

I love this:
http://www.askmoses.com/qa_detail.html?h=157&o=197929

8/04/2005 3:48 AM  
Blogger Cool BT said...

semgirl, what did you think of my comments?

8/04/2005 7:59 PM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

shidduchim are scary period.

8/06/2005 11:30 PM  
Blogger ms. shtark said...

hey semgirl u sound a bit funcused. if u really want a good yeshiva guy, stop it with the yossis. if u want a yossi, n/t wront with that just go ahead with it. it sounds like u bash the whole idea of a yeshiva bochur. try some normal guys. (waterbury guys may b good 4 u)

8/09/2005 8:46 AM  
Blogger Mata Hari said...

sorry - but i'm surprised that yossi started up with you the first time you guys went out and that you didn't stop him.
it's one thing to meet a cute guy on your own, but you've got to keep to some standards - and whether or not you're shomer negiah, making out with a guy you just met (and haven't researched at all) is not smart. you might want to consider having a heart to heart with your parents about what you're really looking for. you're the one who will have to live with the guy.

9/25/2005 12:13 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Definitely go for the guy who makes you wet. *blush* Just don't put out before the marriage. Yum!

11/17/2005 8:23 PM  
Blogger EsPes said...

hehe i agree with jen!

10/20/2008 1:53 AM  

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