SEMGIRL

Hi, I was just your typical 19 year old Seminary girl in South Jersey (if you don't know where I mean, you are probably on the wrong blog). We all have nisoynos, challenges, and experiences, both positive and negative. Here is where I have decided to share some of them.

Name:
Location: Lakewood, New Jersey, United States

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Tale of Two Dates

It was the best of dates. It was the worst of dates.
A few weeks ago, I was restocking the Bikur Cholim pantry in one of the local hospitals, when a bochur walked in to get a cold drink before visiting his grandmother. He was so incredibly gorgeous ; very tall, skinny, curly brown hair, luscious blue eyes, and a real adorable smile. I just said hello, shyly. Then as fate would have it, the following Motzi Shabbos, I seen him in Shoprite, and I literally forgot my shopping list, because he was so mesmerizing .It was rather embarrassing, because I couldn’t stop looking at this astonishingly handsome guy, but we just exchanged smiles. The clincher came over the past weekend. When I ran into him again at Ocean County Mall. This time, since we were in a neutral place and no frum people were around we struck up a conversation. After a while we mutually agreed to go to a nearby movie. The new remake of Willy Wonka was playing. As a child, it was one of my favorites, and one of the only videos my father would allow in the house. This remake was drastically different, although to be honest, I barely saw the movie. Yossi was a little bit too frisky for my tastes, but he was so devastatingly cute, I felt paralyzed. .In fact, I thought that I drank too much soda and didn’t make it to the lady’s room in time. I realized later, that (blush) , that wasn’t the case. After the movie we went for ice-cream and had a very nice conversation.
A week or so ago, I had a very different sort of date. Several months of information checks that would make the recruiters at the human resources dept green with envy, went into setting it up. Dovid (not his real name), picked me up at my house. This bochur didn’t exactly make young girls drool, but I always endeavor to be open-minded. Whereas, Yossi had a sweetness about him, Dovid was very arrogant and a tad bit obnoxious. We went to B&N, a nice shidduch place, I suppose. Anyway, after waiting on line in the Café, for like half an hour, and playing another round of the “I’m frummer then you game”, we opted to just walk back and forth in front of the stores.. Finally, we settled for sodas, nearby. I haven’t felt so awkward and uncomfortable in a long time, as the conversation was very strained. So, here I am with Mr.- Borsalino-and over-powering-bad-cologne, and I can’t think of anything to say. As we walked, he was looking at his reflection in every store-window, It seemed like he was so in love with himself, is there room for anyone else. He kept admiring, and brushing his hat, so much , I was sorely tempted to grab it and step on it. In fact, he just spoke about himself the whole evening.
At least, now I know everything that you don’t want to know about buying ties, hats, and white-on-white shirts. Basically, he is a spoiled kid, who never worked a day in his life, who is very eager to recruit a Semgirl to work hard for Dovid Inc., so that he can be busy “keeping the world in existence” (barf, barf), or at least pretend to be.

48 Comments:

Blogger chchick said...

Looks like you deleted the post with the comments

7/19/2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger chchick said...

I know that the Shidduch scene can be a real drag....blind dates from Hell....So when a cute guy comes along an you make an instant "connection" you should treat it as a gift from the one above and not F**k it up. When you go to the movies with a guy and he gets too "frisky", he's taking too many liberties and you are putting out too much! This may sound a mite old fashioned, but our mother's were right, if one can get it for free, why pay?
Even if you thought that this was part of the fun and games and that Yossi was not real marriage material, one never knows where things can lead. If all a guy wants is some ass, why should it be yours? Save it. And if he really wants YOU for the whole package, he will wait. He will keep knocking till he's allowed in. When the time is right

So please, don't be so free with yourself. You think it's just a game, but it smacks of poor self image and self esteem. And any SEM GIRL should have what to be proud of.

Good Luck!

7/20/2005 12:13 AM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

sorry ch chick it was 3 am, and I was practically asleep when I seen there were 2 identical posts..

7/20/2005 8:36 AM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

YD just like your average black hat yesh bochur doesnt usually go to movies. Go to the 7-plex in Sheeps Head Bay on a moitzei shabb, tell me how many you see.

7/20/2005 8:38 AM  
Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

I'm a bit confused...

You go out with a guy you met on your own, you go to a movie with him, and you seem ok with his friskyness.

You also go out with a guy who wear's a Borsalino on a date and is looking for a meal-ticket so he can keep the world in existence.

Without being too judgmental here, I think you are acting two-faced here.

Do yourself and any potential blind dates a favor and stick with the Yossi types from now on.

You'll be saving yourself alot of time...by not wasting yours and the Borsalino types.

7/20/2005 9:02 AM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

"Several months of information checks that would make the recruiters at the human resources dept green with envy, went into setting it up"

That is a very innovative way of putting it. I'm redding a Shidduch to a friend as I write.
And for a girl in the same city he, his parents and sister have interviewed over a 100 people, and still no definite yes.
But I have a good feeling.(eve the optimist)

7/20/2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

Meyer- it's a pretty shallow existence if you marry someone because he knows how to "rock your world" by fondling you in the movie theatre.

7/20/2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/20/2005 12:49 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

From what I understand, SG did not seem too unhappy with Yossi, both physically and "spiritually". Why does chchick paint a picture that all a guy wants is a piece of *&& and a girl has no wants? Wht does NJ feel that Yossi is automatically "not for you?"

So, why not go to SemTati and SemMommy, and say "I've met a guy on my own and we get along nicely?" Because it seems that in SemGirl's world, the leadership, the teachers and the parents (with complicity of the kids) have beaten into everyone's head the idea that "you are incapable of making decisions on your own and need to rely on a parent/rov/shadchan/vegetable checker/mikveh lady/Dor Yesharim, etc."

Maybe a 19 year old can successfully choose her own partner, maybe she can't. Maybe the kids, left to their own devices, will make awful choices or remain single into their forties and regret it. But that's life and that's risk. Who's to say that the parents and "experts" do a better job? That everyone's married at 25? Do we know how happy these people really are, when they sure as heck won't talk and don't have many options?

And why should a 19 year old have to wait until there are no frum people around in order to talk to a member of the opposite gender?

SG, try to keep a cool head (i.e., don't make decisions for spite), perhaps you have a future with this (or another) Yossi.

7/20/2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger EN said...

semgirl-Was the reason why you liked yossi because he was handsome, cute, and generous with spending money on you, or was it because you held of his values and you love him for who he is? What do you think is important in life? What do you think will hold a marriage together? If you are not ready for marriage you should be honest with your parents and yourself. Marriage is a big step in life and it should be taken seriously.

7/20/2005 12:55 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

...one more thing. Is there really something intrinsically wrong with wearing floor length denim skirts, sneakers & snoods? Can one who wears the above items not "look forward to every day?"

7/20/2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger smb said...

Rewriting.

about the cute guy, wow! you went with him. cool. :)

He reminds me of someone I saw who is also cute and sweet. He was a counselor in the daycamp I worked at some summers ago. I used to stare at him and spoke to hime once in a while.

Your story also reminds of a story I read about another young man named Yossi. People thought he was just a plain ordinary person but later found that he has a lot of charisma.

7/20/2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

I still haven't figured out why Semgirl is dating Borsalino types...

I don't know too many Borsalino types who would like to find out that the girl they are dating likes to get fondled in movie theatres.

7/20/2005 2:23 PM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

don't quite know what to say really. if you hate the borsolino types then shift over toward yossi's type for a bit. but it does look like you had a good time with him.

7/20/2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger bec said...

quick reality check for everyone....
obviously, semgirl has not been dating long at this point. if she finds one bocher who is not for her, but another who is, well, GREAT! but if she finds one yossi who is not for her, and another yossi type, that's great too! also, if you're shomer negiah, you need to make that clear, really clear. from personal experience, that can really make or break a relationship, especially if you have to wait a while--it's probably best to be sn so as not to lead a guy on...or at least be clear as to how far you're willing to go (hand-holding, etc.)

7/21/2005 7:13 AM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

don't frum people mess around a bit too?

7/21/2005 5:01 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

Yingele:

I still see him from time to time. We may go to Seaside or Lavalette
this week.

7/23/2005 11:42 PM  
Blogger LostSpirit said...

Its nice reading this all while you are single, so make sure not to end up marrying the equivalent of a Mr Borsalino because if yes you will find yourself enjoying frisky men even after you are married. So go with your heart and not with the result of information checkers that have agendas that are very different from your own interests.

7/24/2005 12:47 AM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

elster

Yes you could share them on the blog or via email.. Whichever you prefer..

7/24/2005 10:08 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

You go girl - everyone needs a Yossi once in awhile. If it turns out he's for you in other ways, so much the better!!

Keep us posted!

7/25/2005 9:31 PM  
Blogger CJ Srullowitz said...

Admittedly, the shidduch process can, lulei demistafina, drain the romance out of dating. But what if Borsalino man hadn't been so enamored of his own reflection? What if he wasn't so arrogant and focused on you, asking you thought provoking questions? And what if he was as "astonishingly handsome" as the other.

Granted, meeting on a bikur cholim run makes for a great sheva berachos story, but is this really an apples-to-apples comparison?

Additionally, if CutiePants was getting "a little bit too frisky" for your tastes, isn't that a symptom of the same narcissism displayed by BorsalinoBrat? They're both interested in their own self-indulgement at the expense of your comfort.

7/26/2005 2:08 PM  
Blogger CJ Srullowitz said...

Here's a Saturday night for all y'all who are willing:

Go to the SevenPlex in Sheepshead Bay and, lulei demistafina, count the frummies. Then drive back up Ocean Parkway and walk into Torah Temimah and count the number of bochurim who are shteiging away.

See which building has more.

The end.

7/26/2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger CJ Srullowitz said...

Normal,

It looks like the comment you refer to was, lulei demistafina, removed.

Btw, I love the "STAY AWAY!! F*** OFF!! GET A LIFE!!" followed by "Peace!"

Um, so when is Tisha B'Av again?

7/26/2005 2:24 PM  
Blogger CJ Srullowitz said...

"Such a person does not deserve to be dignified with a civil response!!"

I, lulei demistafina, disagree. Everyone ought to get a civil response--or none at all. If you believe that truth is on your side, you can make your arguments calmly and cogently. That's the "kol demamah dakah."

Peace, bro!

7/26/2005 10:14 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

CJew

You make valid points. But my daing experience (which isnt that extensive, Im only 19) has been pretty much like these 2 guys. The really handsome Yesh guys arent usually "red" to me.

As for narcisistic (someone took his SAT), I think Yossi is just is like most healthy men his age with raging hormones. Because, otherwise he was exceptionally courteous in stark constrast to most of the Shidduch dates I go out with.

NJ:

CHILL OUT!

El: We'll talk.

7/26/2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

Thanks BB and CJew couldnt of said it better myself..

7/27/2005 11:17 PM  
Blogger Ben Sorer Moreh said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/28/2005 8:54 AM  
Blogger smb said...

Everybody stop. I know people probrably still have more to say, but we need to control ourself and Not let this keep going back and forth.

7/28/2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Wow! What a blog! Semgirl, perhaps you aren't getting red the right guys. I have gone out with some drop-dead gorgeous Yesh guys (tho so far none worked out). The Yossi type: Yea big pull, specially the way you guys met. I've gone with some such guys during my year in Israel, but I have learnt that frisky on the first date usually is not a good sign. (but if he cools off, hey, maybe...) BTW, you thought you drank too much and didn't make it? Are you really 19? Like you never felt this before?
Peace All, and calm down you guys.

7/29/2005 3:48 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

Elisheva.. Of course, I have felt it before, but ...blush.. Im very naive. I grew up very insulated, so I'm first starting to experience thses kinds of things now.

7/30/2005 10:24 PM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

The whole shidduch thing is so fascinating to me. I can't hear enough about it. I look forward to hearing more about your dates since I can't ask any of the girls in my community about theirs.

7/31/2005 11:24 AM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Semgirl:
I know what you mean. Come from a pretty sheltered home myself. I guess some stuff you just figure out no matter that they don't teach it in Bais Yaakov (blush). I guess I just figured it out quite some time ago, tho I wondered if I was a freak or what till I found out in sem that this is quite normal.
Just wondered if you havn't figured that out yet, maybe that's why the shidduch story is so hard. Sometimes we think we are not allowed to see if we find a guy attactive and if he makes us - blush - yes, get that feeling. But it is perfectly normal what this Yossi guy makes you feel, tho it can make us do stupid stuff I think. Shalom.

7/31/2005 4:39 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

You will not believe this, but, I had a guy ask about me, my likes and opinions, on a date! I had never experienced such a thing, and quite honestly, don't expect to find it again.

7/31/2005 8:40 PM  
Blogger EN said...

Semgirl- Could you please stop putting on make-up while writing a post, you're *blush* making me *blush*. (Nu?, where's the new post?!)

7/31/2005 9:39 PM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

dont you mean she deserves it? she isnt saving it for any one but herself. it hurts to be made to think we (boy or girl) are just for our besherts. (though we are to some extent, we should take care of ourselves for our own souls sake and for self respect.)

just my worthless two cents.

7/31/2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

It isn't worthless at all. You are absolutely right HNC.

8/01/2005 12:16 AM  
Blogger Angelique said...

eh I have no idea why people are attacking you for dating certain people; in Singapore girls go out with whichever type they prefer and no one complains about that.


P.S. i've found your blog (evidently) and replied your email!

if you're desperate for those shoes (as I think I am, too), check ebay.com or head to shanghai (china) where you can get loads of good deals. (:

cheers!

8/01/2005 6:14 AM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

thank you...

8/01/2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

do you have more stories? we're still waiting for the next post!

hnc

8/02/2005 2:14 PM  
Blogger Elisheva said...

Cool BT:
One thing about your comment bothered me. You say the frum madrichot, who were untouchable, were a new turn-on for you.
So all you are really saying is that after having everything cheap or free, having someone who is hard to get, is a real turn-on for you.
I can understand that. But why does that make it frummer? You are still getting turned-on by these girls, just in a better way. According to you, you should not even be thinking about them, so as to savor your tea the first time after marriage.
Shalom all...

8/02/2005 11:59 PM  
Blogger CJ Srullowitz said...

Elisheva,
I think CBT's point is that he was "turned on" in a good way by their inner beauty, their modesty, their spirituality.

As opposed to their chests, lulei demistafina.

8/03/2005 12:45 AM  
Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

Beautiful story, though there are so many versions of it with different people, that's it's probably not true.

One version involves Moses Mendelson using that line with his prospective bride- to- be.

8/03/2005 5:50 PM  
Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

http://www.lexibridges.com/fairy.html

8/03/2005 5:53 PM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

i really like that story. it's really really nice.

8/03/2005 9:42 PM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

I absolutely loved that story. I told it to several women today and we all found it to be tremendously inspiring.

8/03/2005 11:52 PM  
Blogger Looking Forward said...

shidduchim are scary period.

8/06/2005 11:30 PM  
Blogger Mata Hari said...

sorry - but i'm surprised that yossi started up with you the first time you guys went out and that you didn't stop him.
it's one thing to meet a cute guy on your own, but you've got to keep to some standards - and whether or not you're shomer negiah, making out with a guy you just met (and haven't researched at all) is not smart. you might want to consider having a heart to heart with your parents about what you're really looking for. you're the one who will have to live with the guy.

9/25/2005 12:13 AM  
Blogger EsPes said...

hehe i agree with jen!

10/20/2008 1:53 AM  

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