Hi, I was just your typical 19 year old Seminary girl in South Jersey (if you don't know where I mean, you are probably on the wrong blog). We all have nisoynos, challenges, and experiences, both positive and negative. Here is where I have decided to share some of them.

Location: Lakewood, New Jersey, United States

Monday, September 22, 2008

Top Girl

Over Shabbos, I met my friend's sister for the first time since she came back from Seminary. Naturally, the first question is do you know of a shidduch. In the course of telling me what her wish-list is, she said that rather irritating phrase I hear all too often. "I'm looking for money, or I want a very good bochur, because I'm a top girl".

Which got me to thinking, what exactly is a top-girl. This girl isn't exactly a raving beauty, she is of average looks, she isn't the valedictorian, or the biggest genius in her class. Her family is very nice, and real baalei-chesed, but her father isn't exactly a Rosh Yeshiva or an Adom Godol, nor is he very affluent, by any stretch of the imagination. He is a very sweet, geshmak near-do-well.. In terms of tznius, I wouldn't say that she is lacking in this area , relatively speaking, in this very weak generation, however, she isn't a paragon or a role-model in this area either.

So what exactly makes someone a "top-girl". Based on a very simple perfunctory understanding of Mesillas Yesharim, I would think that someone who announces, "I'm a top-girl, by definition is a bottom-girl. By the obvious presence of excessive 'gaiva' or arrogance , and sheer void of understanding on the simplest level of what the Mussar seforim say.

In short, I'm at a losss to understand, what is a "top-girl" .. Maybe it is the most thoroughly indoctrinated, the girl who thinks the least, because her chip-implant is entirely intact. Basically, the future Collel-wife, who will be the least controversial and threatening . In other words, a perfectly, submissive drone in the BMG collective.

I wish her all the brocha and hatzlacha in the world, and it is my sincerest desire that she grow to actually become a "top-girl" the way the Torah and our sages have always defined that, rather then merely in the cultural, colloquial sense..


Blogger Chnyock said...

SHE IS SIMPLY PUT, EGOTISTIC. NOT DAVKA HER FAULT. Many people are too qiuck with critisism, others tell their students/kids "you are the greatest and best" even if they arent. repeated enough, the child will really believe in themselves beyond theyre abilities, only to face dismal failure in real life...

besides, whyt is marrying rich a sign of success in a shidduch? look around you, the rich aree as miserable or more so than plain old me and you...

9/22/2008 12:45 PM  
Blogger halfshared said...

Firstly, I'm shocked that someone would say that about themself. I'm also quite surprised that she said she is looking for money because I have yet to have heard that coming from a girl. I have heard it many times regarding a guy who blames it on that they want money because they want support, which is another story completely.
In any case, she does not sound like a top girl at all. I wish her the best of luck finding all that she wants...

9/24/2008 11:00 AM  
Blogger rebecca said...

A House Of Cards


A house of cards

Is neat and small;

Shake the table,

It must fall.


Find the court cards

One by one;

Raise it, roof it,

Now it's done;

Shake the table!

That's the fun.

-----by Warhammer powerleveling

9/24/2008 9:58 PM  
Blogger mekubal said...

WOW!!! Would have thought a "Top Girl" would have been looking for Middot... Hmmm... Middot, Money... they both start with "M" at least. Possibly good family, strong in Torah.
When I went looking for a wife my main hunt was for Middot. When I found the woman who is now my wife, my Rosh Yeshiva and several of my Rabbis said, "Are you sure... she has no money... you may have to work... she's from out of town..." Today I am happy to say that while I have had to work until I recieved my yerushah from my father, my wife with her impeccable middot has surpassed many others would have told me are "Top Girls", and I am a better Jew for it. I thought that was what Shidduch was about, finding the person that would complete you and help you to grow to your potential, not simply assure your income.

9/28/2008 1:21 PM  
Blogger EsPes said...

great post

10/20/2008 2:07 AM  
Blogger AmIaFrumFeminist said...

If she WAS a raving beauty, WAS the valedictorian, WAS the daughter of a Rosh Yeshiva, WAS a role-model in Tznius... That WOULD make her a top-girl?

It bothers me that those are the things that come to mind when you think, "top-girl." Why don't we just talk about a girl with a good heart and good middos?

You are right, though, that this girl obviously isn't one of them. Gaiva is definitely not a good mida.

It's sad, really. Maybe there's some way that you can make her understand what's wrong with her perspective?

12/26/2008 12:29 AM  
Blogger Something Different said...

Rofl!! I wouldn't go near a "top" boy (or girl). Especially not one with such an overinflated ego! I'm pretty content just being Something Different. ;)

12/30/2008 12:00 AM  
Blogger chanie said...

I always said that I don't want the top bochur in yeshiva, because he's too full of himself.

1/07/2009 2:53 AM  
Blogger yatzmich said...

perhaps what she meant as a "top" girl, is that the top part of her body is very beautiful and her "middos" are good

just a thought...

2/02/2009 1:56 AM  

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