Inside Out

Before anyone gets a chance to say it, I'll say it myself. I'm going to be touching on things I've written about before.In fact I'm going to take what many readers see as my favorite topics, add a new slant and show how they are connected.Yup, it's another post on tznius and it was inspired by a post on Megapixel's Blog and a comment I made in response to this post.

Nowadays everyone in cyberland and real life is going on and on about tznius. What's tzniusdik and whats not, what is mikshul males and why, various rabonim and rebitzens speaking out on tznius, the view that tznius is for women what learning is for men, the lack of tznius,women wearing flashy clothing and more. It's all been discussed here either in my posts or in various comments.

I hope you, my readers, will indulge me a bit while I once again reiterate my extreme distaste for the overemphasis on tznius. It causes some young girls to rebel either in obvious or not so obvious ways and it makes even more of us just plain sick and tired of hearing about it. What it doesn't do is increase the overall level of tznius and wholesomeness. Here's why.

There's much more to tznius than covering one's knees, elbows, collarbone and hair. We all know ladies who do all of the aforementioned and still somehow fall short of the mark. Yeah, I'm sure we've discussed that too but here's where I go into new territory. Here's where the title of this post comes in and I sugest that we've got things backwards. I submit that if we raise the level of pride and dignity of the Jewish woman, the rest will follow. If we teach her that the term bas melech is more than a figure of speech, we wont need to harp on hemlines ad nauseum. If we teach her how truly holy and special the Jewish woman is and make her truly feel that way, she might not be tempted to follow some gay designers vision of beauty. Here's the catch: it has to be more than lip service.

Actions speak louder than words.Here's the tie in with other previously discussed topics. If an eligible girl is looking for a husband and the first question that's asked of her is her dress size, what does that tell her? She's a sex object. So why shouldn't she try to dress like some pop singer who's also a sex object? (with collarbone, arms and knees covered, of course) If there's pitifly few shuirm of substance for a woman, what does that tell her? That her intellect and ruchnius don't matter. So why not go for gashmius in the form of flashy clothing? Afterall, her husbands and sons have the black siuts and hats. If all the events for her are all about fancy decor, even fancier buffets and fluffy speeches, can anyone blame her for wanting to win the fancy sheitel at the chinese auction? Most things geared towards her are about superficiality. She's told that the more ruchniusdik things are for her husbands and sons.How does she elevate herself spiritually? She's further told that her most important mitzvah is to not be mikshul men. That makes her just a dangerous but necessary object of temption. She's told to support her husbands learning: so she's an overworked ATM. Thats a far cry from the holy and special bas melech she really is.

Lastly if her own husband treats her as a maid, sex object and ATM what does that tell her? How many husbands really treat their wives with the kovod they deserve? Is it any wonder, then, that so many Jewish women do not feel important and special in and of themselves? So what motivation do they have to dress in a dignified proper manner as befits an important person? Thus we need to start building the Jewish woman from within instead of harping on hemlines.

The Tznius CD

Recently, I listened to a CD in the car (actually I was forced to listen to it) .

I was very surprised to hear what Rabbi Forcheimer was discussing as I always perceived him to be the most normal, and level-headed of the poskim in town. Now suddenly in an address about tznius to the Yeshiva he was saying that women and girls need to be careful not to swing their arms while walking in the street. I do not want to Chas V’Shalom mock or belittle any of the illustrious Talmidei Chochomin in Lakewood or elsewhere, but seriously can we get real..If girls are constantly busy focusing on how they are walking to such a degree, when do they get to grow spiritually and intellectually as Jews and people. When do they work on Middos, Betochin, Emuna, Chesed, and a myriad of other important concepts in Yahdus..

Another point in the CD was that he’s been receiving numerous phonecalls complaining that the husbands are being dropped off in front of Yeshiva, thus causing a tremendous Michshol for the bochurim and other Yungerleit.. He went on to say that although we have tremendous Zchusim for bringing the husbands to learn and supporting them, you lose it all by causing the bochurim to have bad thoughts , because then these bochurim can't learn all afternoon as a result of this.

One possible solution might be for the men to just walk to Yeshiva. The wives won't have to take them, and as a side benefit, they will get exercise in accordance with the President's council on Physical Fitness. Lately there are far too many extremely obese yungerleit littering the streets of the newly regentrified downtown area. Its a real eyesore to the neighborhood.

Another possibility, just close off the entire seventh street to women by day. Put up huge billboards in Yiddish that say all vibelach found in a five block radius of BMG between 7 AM and 8 PM will be shot on sight.

In other news, I have been informed that many elementary schools are banning all girls from third grade and up from wearing colorful banana clips in their hair.. This is a regrettably necessary measure that needs to be taken to prevent the lil boys from noticing them.

Smart girls learn how to act and what to say very early in life. Afterall, a girl's frumkeit is judged by mostly external things, such as what she wears, how she walks(poise doesn't count)etc. The daughter of my mother's friend is a prime example. She looks like a typical graduate of Bais Yacov but there's a certain gleam in her eyes. I have a very strong gut feeling that there's more there than meets the eye....another side of her that she doesn't show the world. It's nothing I can put my finger on but its definitely there. And no, I've never seen her in a banana clip....