School Advice

Every year the stress and aggravation parents face getting children into the Mosdos schools seems to get worse and worse.There doesn’t seem to be any solution in sight..

After having numerous conversations with various individuals who are allegedly ‘in the know’ , or at least vehemently claim to be, I have gleaned a lot of useful tips and helpful information. I feel it might be beneficial to share this with my readers , or at least that’s my aspirations.

When a couple gets married, they should immediately start looking into the various schools. Observe the parent-body of an institution, ascertain what is the school’s objective, what values do they espouse. Make discreet inquiries as to what the hanhala of the school finds most desirable in its talmidim/talmidot., as well as it’s parent-body. Once, you feel that a particular mosdos might be a good fit for your family-to-be, it behooves you to make the acquaintance of the principles, and if at all possible, the owners of the school. Obviously, common sense dictates that you be as low-key about this as possible. Develop a strong positive relationship with them, they will be invaluable to your network down the road..

Lakewood, as a community, has one of the highest growth rates in the frum world. For many various reasons, the schools can never seem to keep up with constant demand. As a result, every year, virtually every school, has 20-30 seats, that 100 or more children are competing for. Unfortunately, a vast majority of parents find out after its too late, that the decision-makers in almost all the schools , are most favorably inclined to people who made the effort to develop an amiable relationship with them over the years, as opposed to total strangers. I wonder why…

Possibly, there should be an official mentor, who is affiliated with the yeshiva, teaching the chasanim, this every zman. The sad truth is that they feel this isn’t their responsibility. It would be nice if this was officially discussed in the Seminaries, especially to those girls, who have no family in Lakewood and are blissfully of the realities of life here. Once, again for whatever reason, its not..

When your children are first starting out and you are picking a school; make serious inquiries and a ‘hesbon hanefesh’ . Am I picking this school for myself , for the status or image you perceive the school has, , or is this the place that you feel is the best environment for your child to grow in Middos , Torah-values, and Yiras Shomayim.

Discuss this with a Rov you are comfortable with, and get Daas Torah . All too often, the fit is completely skewed and the parents refuse to admit it.

Case in point, a father comes to an interview in a blue shirt and beige pants, and very stridently claims , he is ‘real’ in his Avodas Hashem. He isn’t like all the fakers and frauds that the schools are catering to. While this may or may not be true, REAL WORLD : This ‘real’ father would probably be better off getting together with other like-minded ‘real’ parents and starting their own ‘real’ school. Don’t needlessly sabotage things for yourself and your family and then cry about it to the Vaad.

There is a well-known ruthless school-owner who fancies himself to be Hashem, r”l. His school only takes siblings, so there are only about a half a dozens slots available every year. These spots go the gvirim and their friends. But Shlomo HaMelech already taught us that. (Cesef Yaavor es HaKol)….

How much more so is this true in an inept bankrupt town , where very few parents can afford to pay full tuition. Nevertheless, he likes to tease and torment the rest of us mere mortals with these available places in his schools for his own sadistic amusement.

So, be forewarned , if you inquire about getting a child into one of his schools and he says, ‘I’ll think about it’ … This is code for ‘Don’t call us, we’ll call you’ ..

Which brings us to the next yesod …COMPROMISE… Sometimes, despite the fact that there is nothing wrong with you or your family, you will still be rejected..

KA”H, the population is rapidly growing and outpacing the amount of viable schools , so it’s an extremely competitive atmosphere.

Always be open-minded enough to consider a new mosdos that may meet your needs and more perspicaciously your child’s needs. Often, you will be favorably surprised..

Constructive Criticism

I have never been a reader or fan of the frum magazines. I read them in the waiting rooms of Doctors, mechanics, etc.. when there was nothing better. I certainly would not waste money buying them.

Recently, I made an exception with Ami . I found it to be the first periodical of this genre that is interesting and written for people with more than a 4th grade education. However, I take strong exception and must vehemently protest an article in the most recent edition. Since, they tenaciously refuse to acknowledge the 21st century and provide a website, I have included the article I am critiquing.

Constructive criticism is desperately and crucially needed in our community. If we resent the attention we receive and treatment we get in the secular media, the simple solution is to stop providing so much material on an almost daily basis.

The author contends that requests to refrain from referring to Charedim as ’ultra orthodox’ have “fell on deaf ears”. With all due respect to Rabbi Katz, author of the article, the media is getting a very mixed message. If a bunch of ’native americans’, were to wear feathered headbands, war-painted faces, loinclothes, replete with tomahawks, and run around manhattan scalping people, I feel its justified for the media to call them Indians. Similarly, the New Square story is EXTREMIST, the posters about ladies talking on cellphones is EXTREMIST, the Hillary Clinton story is EXTREMIST. Shall I continue.

I am not so naïve, as to think that many writers and reporters discussed in this article, arent motivated by anti-Semitism and anti-religious sentiment. However, for the most part , they are just holding up a mirror.

I must protest at the obviously slanted yellow journalism, where Rabbi Katz cites Shalomit Aloni and other vile chiloni leftists of ten to fifteen years ago, and groups them together with the Washington County Observer. The former is an old story of Israeli politics, whereas the latter didn’t actively seek out to attack charedim. A photo in their newspaper was stolen and distorted without permission..

Rule 7 “The use of sarcasm provides cover and camofllage for out and out hateful observations“….. . Do you mean like
“ but far be it from a Charedi writer to correct the grammar or spelling of genuine journalist from the Forward”.

Far be it for me to correct the grammar of the esteemed ami magazine, but FTR, its ‘for a Charedi writer’, not from a Charedi writer..

If we are all so thin skinned that we cant take criticism, then, a) if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen, b) stop providing the secular media with so much ammunition

She is awesome

Hello.... Shalom to any fans that I still have following this blogs. I havent posted in agews, because I have been crazy busy the past year or so.

But, I just had to post this. These ladies are just too funny... Enjoy...

The Illogical World of Chelm

For those of you wretched souls who watch TV shows either the old-fashioned way or via the internet, Hashem Yishmor, there is a very old show called Star Trek. One of the trademark lines from that show is, "Beam me up Scotty, there is no sign of intelligent life here". That is precisely how I feel right now.

For many years I have noticed that families who are being tortured and harassed by the State Child welfare authorities, receive no (emphasize ZERO) , support or compassion from the community. It takes very little to fall into their net. If you are involved in a divorce, your ex-spouse or their friends/relatives can make allegations against you. If you have a grievance against a neighbor, are jealous of someone, or want to retaliate against another parent causing trouble in your child's school, someone can make an anonymous phone call to the abuse hotline and fabricate a story, or embellish something that happened. No matter how flimsy the report,they are required by law to investigate. If numerous calls are made, a history is created and the children are forcibly removed from the parents home. It is impossible to describe the pain that these parents and children endure-sometimes for years on end. Lives, families and reputations are being ruthlessly destroyed.

On the one hand, this is an incredible community that provides a mind-boggling degree of charity and chesed. From Chaverim, Hatzala,Chai Lifeline, Bonei Olam to the plethora of gemachs of all types the list is overwhelming Boruch Hashem , Kain Yirbu. On the other hand, however, absolutely no support at all is provided to these tragic families. I am not even talking about the legal oskonus that is provided to your everyday, common white-collar criminal who delight in making a major chilul Hashem with his greed and arrogance. But rather a simple phone call, a visit, a sympathetic word, divrei chizuk. Even those individuals we look to as Robbonim and Roshei Yeshivos will usually tell these distraught families, albeit politely, to say tehillim, have a nice day and not to take up any more of the rov's limited time.

Thus I naively thought that this is a very insular community and most people can only respond to what they personally can relate. In the past few weeks, however, all my thoughts, illusions, and attempts to be mlamed zchus (judge favorably) were totally shattered.

It came to light that there was a totally assimilated Jewish man in a far off place who committed a horrible crime. He brutally and mercilessly bludgened a 26 year old gentile park ranger and mother over the head with a flashlight until her brains splattered. Then just to finish her off he shot her at close range. He was convicted of the crime and ended up on death row. Recently he became the cause d'celibre when, after many appeals, his execution date came up.

In contrast to the distinct lack of concern and care shown some local ehrliche families( a couple of whom I know personally ) who have been shattered by child protective agencies, the frum community was falling all over itself to help this convicted murderer avoid execution. The olom was urged to sign petitions, call the governor, write letters, make phone calls, etc. Tehillim was said in yeshiva, seder was extended an hour, all to help this convict avoid execution. The uproar reached a feverish pitch as frantic yungerleit proclaimed this convict to be their brother! Now,I am not an attorney or a Rov, so Im clearly not going to discuss the case here. Personally, I felt that if all the organizations involved asked the olam to email the Governer, why be a 'poresh min hatzibbur' (exclude onself from the Jewish community). Be that as it may, why is anyone who says this whole episode is over and done with and we need to move on labeled an anti-semite? Why are ordinarily very aidel and caring religious Jews saying that the victim was only a goy? Not only don't we feel any collective shame for the criminal act of one of our own, but the family of the victim is receiving phone calls from Jews calling them Nazis! Why?? Why is there no compassion for a family that lost a daughter, mother and sister to murder?

My confusion and anguis knows no bounds. All I can do is beg and plead to Hashem that I be given daas (wisdom) and siyata dshomaya ( divine assistance) to one day understand this...

Seichel Crisis

All the time I keep hearing about the so called 'Shidduch Crisis'. Everything, nowadays is a crisis. It used to be that a crisis was a pogrom, r"l, a wholesale execution of Jews (Hashem should avenge the blood of all the Kedoshim), a plague, an economic meltdown, etc. Now, it means, that a bunch of spoiled, over-indulged children didnt get the lollypop they wanted.

Anyway, in numerous conversations, as well as, in the high-quality literature that I read (The Voice, Yated, HaModea, Mispocha magazine, etc.) there are numerous letters, and Pullitzer prize-winning articles about the 'Shidduch Crisis'.

Questions that come to mind. Why do we need every 18 yr old right out of HS/Sem going on the 'market' . Maybe if they waited till 20, many positive gains would come out of it. First off, the girls would have more money saved up, and more marketable skills, hence less strain on the parents. There wouldnt be an overwhelming supply of girls for a drastically small amount of immature, arrogant bochurim coming out of the (drumroll please) freezer.In economics, they call this 'Market Equlibrium', the point where the x-axis ( spoiled girls who want top boys from designer-name yeshivas ) meets the y-axis(aforementioned boys who plan to be in 'in yeshiva' for a very long time; some may even learn a little Torah).

Another question: Why does the financial responsibility of all this rest squarely on the girl and her parents. It seems only fair and just that the boy have some sort of business, or job during bain hasedorim or at least in the summer bain hazmanim. If he is learning so intesnsely, that he requires full support from his wife and her parents, at the very least, there should be a weekly exam to see where he is holding. Once again, in economics, this is known as evaluating 'return on equity' .

But alas, we dont do that, today, because the yeshiva world is becoming an increasingly unjust, misogynistic soceity.To be fair, the women are just as much, to blame, if not more so, then the men.

Recently, I had a discussion with a group of ladies on this topic. A few claimed that the Seminaries are teaching the girls too much , they are going to scare the boys away. I countered , so let the boys learn harder to keep up. Suddenly, I was shunned and ignored by all present. Ah, Plato and his social theories of ostracism, in ancient Athens, are alive and well in 21st century Lakewood.

Current attitudes in vogue, are even reflected in ladie's fashions. Whereas, not so long ago, you had the full blown sheitl or (up-dos for single girls ) , big shoulder-pads and power=suits. Now, the prevalent style among the hordes of yeshivish girls and married women eager to be part of the herd, is the pony-tail, sweater top, A-line skirt, replete with tights and ballet slippers. The message of this ensemble is loud and clear, 'Please marry me, Im very non-threatening and submissive' . Or, it just might be that , they are all appealing to immature little boys who be intimidated by a real woman, and prefer little girls/barby dolls instead,.

That is why I truely dont believe there is a Shidduch crisis. There is a Seichel Crisis .. Hashem should hear our tefilos 'Hashiva Shofteinu Cvirishona ' and return daas to clall yisroel. And may Eliyahu come speedily in our days to end all this nonsense..

Chesed Knows No Bounds

Just thought I should post this, for anyone who still reads this blog..


Found on Luach.com (Thanks O!)

Personal Shopper for Chesed
If anyone knows of any girls that are in shidduchim that need help
picking out outfits, make up, hair, etc. Please feel free to email
me. Hashem gave me a sense of fashion and I would love to use it to
help girls in need. You can email me at Lissy389 [at yahoo]

ORGANIZED IGNORANCE

One of my biggest peeves with Lakewood and Right Wing Orthodox soceity in general, is the abysmal, lacadaisical atitude towards learning for women.

The famous principle of 'Col Hamalamud Es Bito Torah..Kiilu Melamed Es Tiflus" is grossly distorted and m,isunderstood to mean that women are proscribed from any intellectual Jewish experience. Sure, there is some form of diluted Jewish studies in school from K-8 , and even Semilnary, if your very lucky. Although, now it seems thats many individuals are starting to feel that even Seminary is an extravagent luxury. The economy is in the doldrums, so why should so much money be wasted on mere girls.

But, this is all basically, just 'school' . It isnt an intellectual rel-ship with our beautiful and rich heritge. Part of it is human nature. If you give any group or soceity be they be men, women, blacks, whites, or Aluetian eskimos, permission not to learn, the basic desire to be lazy will kick in. Then you add to that, a social undercurrent and philosphy, that says its not only permissible for women not to learn, but even laudatory if she doesnt. Obviously, what you will get is a community of young girls and women who are totally shallow, self-absorbed, materialistic, and devoid of spirituality and enthusiasm for yiddishkeit. Then so many Rebbetzins and Rabbonim, bemoan the fact that many girls are chasing after Fresnch designers who are the antithesis of our culture and values, and wearing very immodest outfits and styles. Gee!!!, I wonder why... Their solution: more inane sppeches, regurgitating the same guidelines we have all had shoved down our throat since we were little from childish pamplets.

Good luck with that. Thats like, using cremes and ointments for a severe rash, when a powerful antbiotic taking orally is required. Actually, I am amazed that so many women keep any degree of tznius, considering how spiritually malnourished they are.

Recently, I went to a 'shiur' that probably should of been called a social get-together or 'girls-nite-out' . I have a good mind to sue them for fraudelent advertising. A very prominent Lakewood Rebbitzen, was giving a lecture and asking us for topics to talk about. When, I mentioned, 'How about Mesilas Yesharim', she said, "we arent going to sink our teetth into that..What does that mean exactly?? I would really like to know. Instead she decided to put on a heimishe version of the Martha Stewart show... ITS (NOT) A GOOD THING...

Rav Yosha Ber Soloveitchek (affecctionately known as the Rov), said thst in our times, women should learn all forms of Torah. I realize thats a very controversial opinion, but I also refuse to believe that there is anyone walking the streets of Lakewood that comes up to the Rov's toenails in Torah knowledge and genius.

Even, in basic Tanach and Halacha, the Shulchan Aruch HaRav wriiten by the the Baal HaTanya says that if a man learned everything a women should learn, he would be
called HaRav HaGaon.

Reb Chaim Brisker writes that a person who doesnt know the 13 Cardinal Principles of our faith (Yud Gimmel Ikkarim), is an apikorus, because, 'a nebach apikorus is also an apikorus' .If you dont review the basic elements of Yahdus, daily, you wont know them, its that simple.

I was never a conspiracy-theorist, but I'm really starting to feel that this all a brilliantly diabolical scheme on the part of the powers that be and the old boys network, to intentionally keep the women ignorant. This has been in every totalitarian system throughout history, from ancient Greece and Rome, to the surfdoms of medieval europe, to the old pre-Civil War south to many 3rd countries today. You keep one segment of the population ignorant so they can be overworked and exploited and support the comfortable lifestyle of the other segment.

Obviously, you can use the old ruthless methods of the old South. So you devise a more cunning plan. You make very exquisite women's events that are all show and no substance. Have very fancy nouveaux cuisine food served, along with frivolous airhead sppeches that talk about the wonderful Nashim Tzidkonius who support their husbands in Yeshiva, as well as, keeping BMG Inc..'s bottom line healthy before they need a bail-out too. If too many women started to seriously learn what they are allowed to according to all opinions, there might be a collective, "Wait just a second, we want to be cut in for a bigger piece of the action". Then the syndicate would be in serious trouble.

Ironically, when I discuss this with other ladies, they are more outraged and offended by my feelings and thoughts then the men are. Some of said, I am too busy with my children to think of such nonsense.. Or I dont worry about that, thats why I have a happier life then you. Translation : 'Dem der nigger just dont know his place' .

This truely saddens me, because Yiddishkeit is so rich and beautiful. The more I learn online, the more angry and disgusted I become with ORGANIZED IGNORANCE...