Crushes and the Like

UPDATE : AnySara Got engaged.... I wish her lots of Nachas and Simcha



I have received many emails lately of a very flirtatious and or inquisitive nature about admirations from a distance for myself or various girls in Lakewood or the community in which the writer of the email lives.

Some of these emails are very sweet and really melt your heart. Others are just clueless, not menacing , but no warmth and feeling either. Then there are those letters of the weird, creepy variety. Even though, its completely anonymous, and I don’t know them, and they don’t know me, it is still very scary.

Recently, I was considering whether to respond to a rather interesting letter. It was written very respectfully. The writer seems nice enough, in a pathetic sort of way. He claims to taken pictures with his cell phone of a girl he is very smitten with, and is very persistently, asking me to divulge personal information about a close friend of mine. So far, I have chosen to ignore him. I am not sure whether, I should admonish him about the picture or not. In the meantime, I will ask for advice in this matter from my many cherished readers, many of whom, are much more knowledgeable and experienced than me.

I usually try to respond to any email that is respectfully written, time permitting. And although, I like to IM with people that I already know, I prefer to avoid anon Cyber-Ims, especially from boys, (who quite often turn out to be married men, lol).

So for expedience sake, I am going to discuss this on the blog for everyone’s benefit.
It’s a perfectly normal, healthy part of adolescence to develop crushes on members of the opposite gender. Unfortunately, in our extremely gender-segregated society , where boys seldom ever mingle with girls, and can be in the Dorm or Beis Medrash (Study Hall), for months at a time. Even more so, in cases, where they have no sisters and their family lives in Europe or Israel, and they can’t go home for Yom Tov (holidays), it is possible to never or see or talk to a girls for years.. This was always problematic. However, the situation has been greatly exacerbated with the advent of internet, chatrooms, and text messaging.

As a result, you now have innocent, naïve girls, and very sheltered boys with no real world training in how to deal with the other gender, connecting with each other clandestinely, thru this new medium. Yet, many have no clue how to communicate respectfully. All the time , I receive three basic types of emails. Some are actually very touching in a Nebby sort of way. I respond to those, basically for the same reason that you feel for a cute, lost puppy that follows you home from school.Another type is very obnoxious and nasty. Get a clue, guys, very few girls are interested in or want anything to do with offensive jerks. Who know, maybe the Yeshivas intentionally encourage this in the bochurim to prevent from being too attractive to girls from the onset of puberty until they are ready to start dating.

Unfortunately, most of the guys I date are still like that. Story of my life, I guess.
Finally, there are very creepy, obscene emails sent by Cyber-stalkers that really give you the chills.

If this blog accomplishes anything, let me at least educate and provide a few pointers. DON’T take pictures of girls with your cellphone without their permission. If I caught someone taking my pic like that, I would kick him where it counts. I strongly advise any other girl to do likewise. And definitely, don’t email these pics to your friends or other girls. That’s very not cool.
Try writing a sweet letter or a poem .If you can’t think of something nice to say, there is a ton of stuff on Google. Or just speak from the heart and open up. Talk about yourself and your feelings That always works with me and most of my friends.

Finally, and most importantly, I am very appalled that I even have had to mention this to nice Frum boys, but, if you just cant control yourself and feel the need to write things like, “Sweetheart , whats your fantasy”, or anything of a more graphic nature, there are like a billion porn-sites and X-rated phone numbers to call.

Have a lil respect and decency and don’t send this filth to a Bas Yisroel.

Addenda: To Josh and others, thought I was clear, guess not. I meant nice , pleasant communication for purposes of Shidduchim, or understanding women for the eventual goal of Shidduchim, not uncontrolled licentiousness..


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