Is Chivalry Dead by Us

A Freilichen Purim To All My Readers

Sorry, that its been a while since I posted last, I didn't mean to disapoint my readers.

I heard on a Pes. Krohn tape a story about the Ponivesher Rov Zt”L. The Ponivesher Rov was seldom ever seen without his frock. Nevertheless , he was walking in Bnei Brak, one evening past a bus stop, where there was a young woman who seemed to be shivering from the cold. He immediately, handed her his frock to wear, until she arrived at her destination. I found this story remarkable, because it seems like the gallant gentleman and stories of chivalry are viewed as being somewhat goyish and alien to our culture.

It bothers me greatly, how Yeshivishkeit, quite often seems to supersede menslickeit and being a gentleman.

A number of years ago, I was a guest at a Chasidishe family for lunch one Shabbos,. The mother was in her ninth month, and had very swollen ankles, yet she was still running back and forth from the kitchen, while her husband and numerous sons were just sitting around the table, oblivious to her discomfort. It was not my place to mix in and tell someone twice my age how to run their home, but it bothered me greatly.

On another occasion, a very Chasidishe lady was struggling to shlep heavy packages into her apt, while her husband was just walking in front of her meditating on the Shem Hakodesh or maybe what he is going to eat for lunch. My father, immediately helped her. It was very interesting to observe, how on the one hand she was very appreciative, yet on the other, probably on account of her culture and upbringing had that facial expression, “nebach, a moderna mensh vus hust nisht inzerer hinik “ .

You find this in our circles as well. For example, in Bagel Nosh, how often do you see a lady struggling to open the door with one hand and push a double stroller in with the other, while all the men waiting on line or eating don’t think to hold the door for her. If a man does offer , it is sometimes considered odd or less then Tzniusdik , in some misguided sort of way.

How come for example, in the parking lot of the library, I have observed a pregnant mother struggling to fold up a stroller and put it in the trunk, and while a frum man will not have a problem checking out the view from the rear, he won’t offer to help lift up the stroller.

And it isn’t limited to fremda women on the street. A former neighbor of ours is the nicest, friendliest guy around. He would do anything for anybody, a real baal Chesed. Yet, on Shabbos he sits by the table in a bekeshe and Streiml all jolly, smiling and singing. Meanwhile, his wife perpetually has bags under her eyes and looks very fatigued and exhausted and it doesn’t even dawn on him that maybe she needs a hand running back and forth from the kitchen. Maybe, he is just clueless

So I really wonder if there is something in the Heimishe mindset that detracts from polish and savoire faire or just plain Yiddishe middos.

I hope that I will be able to instill this sensitivity and middos into my sons, as this really bothers me greatly.

Blog Friends

Ok, lots to discuss. First off Mazel Tov to Elisheva and her Chosson. May they share many , many years of Simcha together. Its amazing how close you can become in Blogland. For all of you, that are curious out there, I only know Elisheva by email. However, I feel happier for her than I have ever felt for any of my real world friends. I would really love to meet her, but we will see what happens. You see, on the one hand, it would really be great to finally see the face behind the hundreds of emails, of which I shall always cherish each and every one of them. On the other, maybe we couldn’t be as open and share as much if we knew each other in real life, especially in Lakewood.

What I like most about email and blog relationships is that since you don’t what anyone looks like or see their annoying quirks and mannerisms, you aren’t distracted by it and your entire personality comes out . This can be good and bad. For example, some boys who comment on my blog and seem to be real jerks , after you get to know them via email are incredibly sweet (you know who you are) . Conversely, others seem very cool and fly at first, then turn out to be major DORKS…

I have a very close email friend in Toronto, whom I know is very attractive. If I knew her in real life, there would probably be an intense jealousy-rivalry thing going on, but thru the wonders of cyberspace we have incredible chemistry.

In regards to my Shidduch. Yes, we still are dating, But I don’t move as fast as Elisheva, and don’t plan to. I hope to write some detailed narratives of our dates in the future. Interstingly, we have the opposite situation in regard to the blog. I showed him my blog, and he was incredulous. “You mean you got 300+ comments and you don’t have ads, are you nuts ? “ . Since I am a real novice to HTML code, it doesn’t look so pretty yet. But I promise, I will try to make it look much more aesthetic as soon as I learn more.

He actually, gave me about a dozen ideas to write about. But, I am going to take it on a day to day basis., as I really don’t want to completely surrender my uniqueness and individuality to a guy, no matter how wonderful he is.

In other news, I was elated to see my blog made the list recently on esefer..

Oh and one final point.. Simple patent leather pomps, nude hosiery, stylish navy blue skirt fashionably below the knee with a with white trim, white ruffled blouse, with blue tailored jacket, hair in a curly wave. Very conservative, yet tastefully applied makeup..
You’re the next contestant on NAME THAT SEMINARY !!!!