Sexcapades .....Nebach

Recently, I have been following an unusual website. It is billed as a website to help with frum marital advice. I have a feeling, though that it hurts more then it helps. In fact, several readers have sent me emails claiming that there are several confirmed divorces that are directly related to the eroneous information contained in this website.

However, I find it extremely interest how one can write about the most banal, nivul peh, any sick fantasy one has, or other obscene matters all in the name of promoting Shalom Bayis, of course. On the other hand, if one writes the often painful truth, or something they don’t want to hear, it will be immediately deleted.

For example, I recently entered into a conversation entitled, What is the best surprise you gave your husband. Now I personally thought of my marriage, in which if I see my husband's shoes are worn out, or his shirt is torn, I will immediately replace it with something nice, If I notice that he is constantly interested in some device in a computer, electronics, or home-repair store, I will buy it and surprise him whenever possible.On the contrary, the vast majority of commenters in this discussion were suggesting things that can’t be mentiond on a wholesome, family-oriented blog.

My comments were immediately deleted, with the following response:

While its wonderful to be "bonded emotionally and spiritually in the most intense way", as years pass, some of our relationships, aren't like lines out of a cheesy romance novel, (I'm sure your husband carries your heaving mass over the threshhold before your bodies become intertwined as one writhing force of celebrated passion blah blah blah as well.)

For the rest of us, these little gestures are the key to keeping things new and exciting, which carries over to the emotional side of the relationship. Kol Hakavod lady. Keep on flashing!!

I believe the above speaks volumes about the current state of our society. It’s much easier to blame all our problems on the internet and secular entertainment than to make a thorough, sincere and often painful chesbon hanefesh. It’s much easier to be makpid on this weeks chumra than to seriously work on improving ones middos and being makpid in bein odom l’chavera. Wearing white shirts, darkening the part in the sheitel and constantly coming up with new chumras in kashruth and tznius is a lot more comfortable than diligently learning Ahavas Chesed and being makiam the Chofetz Chiams timeless and holy words. Afterall, feeling supierior to your neighbor who wears a denim skirt is a lot more geshmake than being moser nefesh to do a chesed for someone who was less than nice to you.

It a similar vein, it is so much easier to emulate and outdo whatever one would find on an obscene pornsite, and proclaim, "we're married, not only is it permitted, its a mitzva ", then to work one's marriage so that it does become "lines out of a romance novel", There is nothing at all cheesey about that at all


Clearly, its not my place to say what is technically halachically or haskafically permitted in marriage. Speak to your Rov about it. All I am going to postulate is, that if you do have a passionate, warm relationship, you will not feel the need to scream about your sexcapades on or offline. And you certainly wont go postal, when someone says they aren’t interested in hearing about it,